


No, It's Real. You're Real.

by MischiefJ



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Maggie gets the comfort she deserves, Mon-El gets the ass-whooping he deserves, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-11-19 13:41:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MischiefJ/pseuds/MischiefJ
Summary: An alien poison brings eleven-year-old Maggie Sawyer into the future.





	1. Chapter 1

“Nice work as always, Detective Sawyer.”

“You weren’t so bad yourself, Agent Danvers.”

“Would you please stop flirting and read me my rights?” boomed the ten-foot tall alien.

“I would like that as well,” said Supergirl, holding the alien from behind as she locked the handcuffs, her long blonde hair falling in her blushing face.

While Maggie Sawyer recited the rights, Alex Danvers stepped behind the alien to talk to Supergirl.

“How’s it going, Agent Danvers,” Supergirl said, before dropping her voice to talk to her sister. “Did you talk to Maggie about how you realized you want a kid?” Alex looked down and fiddled with her engagement ring. “You didn’t talk to her--- Alex! This is important, you’re getting married---”

“No, no,” Alex ran her fingers through her short undercut. “I did but… It doesn’t look good. She’s not into it. I don’t know what we’ll--- this isn’t the time to talk about it.”

Supergirl nodded and squeezed Alex’s arm. “Tonight?”

“Tonight.” Alex watched, her brow wrinkling, as Supergirl snapped the handcuffs in place and released one of her arms. “You’re sure these handcuffs will keep a time and space-bending alien secure?”

“Of course they will, Alex. Lena invented them.” Supergirl crossed her arms.  Supergirl was happy to defend her best friend as many times as it took. The black sheep of a family of villains, Lena Luther had often needed defending, from her family and from the public. Nowadays though, Lena was starting to get the praise she deserved, as a the chief scientist behind multiple life-saving technologies.

“I know the DEO approved them, but I felt like they rushed-- I know Lena is amazing, but this is a very difficult invention--- and this alien is very dangerous---”

“Exactly. Lena is amazing. I have total confidence in these cuffs.”

“I wish these handcuffs prevented my hearing abilities too. The three of you,” the alien muttered. But with this alien, the muttering could be heard a mile away. Maggie could see the silhouette of her coworker, Detective Todd Nguyen, laughing at her.

“The three of us? What did it mean by that?”

“Pay no attention to the rude alien, Supergirl.”

“Rude alien?” the alien laughed, revealing something neon green that resembled a whale’s baleen plate more than it resembled teeth. “I think I’ve been quite civil so far.” Maggie saw Todd stiffen and start to walk toward them.

Alex glanced around at the sidewalk that had been reduced to concrete crumbs; the Supergirl-shaped imprints on a parking meter, an ATM, and a billboard advertising viagra; the civilians crouched under cars and rubble; and, Alex gritted her teeth, the blood staining the right shoulder of Maggie’s uniform.

Alex opened her mouth to retort, but Maggie, looking at Alex from the side of her eye, interrupted. “Yes sir, and we appreciate you coming quietly to the station.”

“I appreciate your attempt to charm me, detective.” The alien spun the top of its skull in what Kara recognized as and Alex assumed was a mocking gesture. “But it’s wasted on me. Watch yourself, detective.”

Todd arrived on the scene. “Are you threatening a police officer, sir?” he said, grabbing a notepad and pen from his pocket. It was his weapon of choice. Maggie respected that about him. She could not say the same for her other colleagues, who generally clutched at their guns first and asked questions later.

“No, I’m warning you. As a service. Because I like you.” The alien bent down to Maggie’s face level. Maggie looked at the alien’s hundreds of black, shiny eyes and smelled its horseradish breath. “You should be flattered. I know quite a lot about you.”

Alex put one hand on her holster and one warning hand on one of the alien’s many torso antennas. She was impressed as always by Maggie’s complete look of nonchalance. It was the look Maggie wore when she drove to work. When she brushed her teeth. When she walked past a group of men in the street at night. “What exactly are you warning me about?”

“You tackled me to the ground. As a member of the Flood, I am not meant to live that disrespect down. And neither are you,” the alien pressed its face to touch hers. “Maggie Sawyer born of Hooper, Nebraska.”

“How dare you threaten her!” Alex yelled, giving the alien a warning shove with her gun. Their ears were suddenly filled with a piercing scream. For once faster than Kara, Alex dropped to her knees to catch the screaming, twitching Maggie as white, bulbous goo poured out of her shoulder.

The alien nudged Supergirl. “I had a good run. I’m glad I met you.” It licked Supergirl’s forehead in its traditional respectful farewell. “Have a drink for me at the alien bar, will ya?” With a pop that could be heard for miles away, the alien exploded. Fetid, purple-brown guts landed in Supergirl’s hair, in her shoes, and pooled at her feet. Maggie stopped screaming and, with a sigh, passed out in Alex’s arms.

“I will not have a drink for you, _snagriff_ ,” Supergirl muttered, wiping the alien’s kiss from her forehead and smearing its blood on the road with her boot. Then she stepped over the puddle to join Alex as Todd called for backup.

***

Todd watched with dim eyes and a clenched jaw as Alex and the medic arranged and rearranged the unconscious Maggie and moved their various tools over her.

 “How is she?” murmured Todd to the DEO medic as the medic crouched on the pavement.

The young medic shook his head. “I can’t say.”

Todd’s square, grey-stubbled jaw tightened even more. “You can’t say?”

“Officer, I don’t know,” the medic sighed. “You should ask Agent Danvers. She’s the bioengineer.”

Todd turned toward Alex. “Agent.” As she raised her head to stare back at him, he marvelled at how dry-eyed she was, with her fiancee lying on the ground. And she looked pissed. She always seemed to be pissed. Often at him.

“Call me doctor. And I’m sorry. I can’t say.”

“Doctor Danvers. Please.” He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “She’s our best man--- our best officer. I just need to know if---”

When Todd had met Maggie, five years ago now, she had been 23, much younger than the rest of National City’s force, awkward and nervous, with a weak handshake. He was the only other person of color in the force and he resented being expected to befriend the newbie. She had already been working as a police officer for a few years, but that had been in small town Nebraska, and it showed. When she made some mistakes bagging her first assignments, other officers started to talk. It wasn’t Todd’s way to gossip, but he noticed too: procedures that other newbies found easy or just got intuitively, she seemed to need detailed explanations. She had strange mannerisms-- she sniffed her food, she was jumpy, she generally walked on the grass rather than the sidewalk. There was talk that she might be an alien. But Todd also noted that she listened closely and asked for feedback. And she didn’t make a mistake a second time.

When she shot a school shooter in the leg from over 100 yards away with her handgun, officers had something new to talk about. Suddenly, they noticed her strength and her reaction time. They began to suspect her skin color and bilingualism weren’t the sole reason she was hired. They invited her for beers after work. And sure, Todd joined them. He liked to drink a beer and watch football like anyone. But he didn’t talk much to Maggie. They didn’t have much in common.

As Maggie got more comfortable, though, in her job, he couldn’t help but notice other things. The way she could de-escalate the most hysterical suspects. How she seemed to have a sixth sense for criminal activity, noticing burglars and muggers right before they committed their crimes. But when she began to network within the alien bar, he could no longer defend his hesitations about her. It was a good idea. A new idea. One she had to know she’d get flack from, especially because people already whispered that she was an alien.

But she did it anyway, and he respected that. He decided right then or there, strange as she was, she was someone he wanted to get to know. He asked the lieutenant if he could be her partner and help her infiltrate the alien bar. Later, he asked her to join his family for dinner. The dinners became weekly. When Officer Brown said that while working crowd control at Gay Pride, he'd seen Sawyer decked out in rainbow, Todd was surprised to find that he did not give a shit if she were gay. When a multi-tongued lady at the alien bar said “see you tonight, sweetheart” to a blushing sweaty Sawyer, he was surprised to find that he did not give a shit that Sawyer had an alien girlfriend.

When he learned that the hard-headed, aggressively territorial human FBI Agent Danvers was Sawyer’s fiancee, he was surprised to find--- he did give a shit. Danvers did not deserve Sawyer. Well, no one did.

Now Alex sighed, eyes wetter, and turned to Todd. “I’m sorry. I’m being-- I’m just-- Sawyer would want you to know what I know. And what I know is, she’s not dead, her vitals are fine, her brain’s not harmed. She’s got a couple broken bones.” Todd released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I don’t know why she’s unconscious. I can’t find anything wrong.”

Todd relaxed his body, stretched his arms out behind his head. “So-- that’s a good thing right? That you can’t find anything wrong?”

Then he noticed, with a jolt, Alex staring in the distance, so tense he could see each tendon. “No, it’s not.”

***

“You’re tabling Lena’s invention? But why? It worked!” Supergirl yelled.  

“What about that mission do you think was effective?” J’onn asked as they walked through the DEO’s headquarters together.

“That wasn’t Lena’s fault!”

“I’m not saying anything is Lena’s fault. As Alex keeps reminding me, loudly, in her head, every other minute, we should have tested it more thoroughly. It’s on us.” J’onn grimaced and touched his chest. “That alien should not have been able to kill itself. The handcuffs were specifically designed to prevent that. We know that the _Surulus Apis_ , when captured, often will choose to kill themselves and, in doing so, release a strong poison.”

Suddenly her previous concern about tabling Lena’s invention seemed petty. “How dangerous is the poison?”

“It’s an intelligent poison, befitting of a time and space travelling alien. It detects the weakest parts of a person in order to find the easiest way to kill them. For example, in creatures with high cholesterol, the poison Surulus Apis has been known to raise blood pressure in order to cause a heart attack.”

Supergirl paused and thought. “What’s the weakest part of Maggie?”

J’onn shrugged. “I’m not sure. Agent Sawyer is in remarkable health. Her physical with the DEO was very thorough, and it was unusual in that nothing was flagged. She has no genetic predispositions of concern either through her family history or through the DNA tests we conducted. I am hopeful that this poison will find a dead end in Agent Sawyer and cause little damage, though of course she will be under our close supervision.“ J’onn sighed and then sniffed uncomfortably. “Good God, Supergirl, take a shower.”

“I already took two!”

“Well, take another,” J’onn said as they parted ways. Kara took a deep breath and opened the door to Maggie’s room.

Alex, almost unblinking, stared at a sleeping Maggie from her seat. “How is--” Kara came in and kissed Alex on the top of her head.

“She’s fine. She’s fine. She’s fine. She’s fine,” Alex did not look away from Maggie, as Kara grabbed a chair and put her arm around Alex. “She woke up fifteen minutes ago. I fed her some broth. Then she fell back asleep.”

“Wow, that’s a great sign!”

“No signs of any brain injury. She seems to be able to move every muscle in her body. Every blood test I could think to give her came back normal. All I can see is that wound in her shoulder, which will heal.”

“Awesome!” Kara turned to grin at Alex only to notice her sister’s still-creased face. “So why are you so worried?”

“You didn’t see her when she woke up-- she’s… different.” A single tear fell down Alex’s face. “And I hate that it knew her birth place. I didn’t even know that.”

“It’s a fifth-dimensional alien. That probably means nothing.” Kara ran her hand through Alex’s hair. “It knows everything. It was just trying to get in your head”

“No. No.” Alex said, shaking her head. “It means something… It did something to her. It did something to her… I’ve never seen her like this.”

“Well. I’m here for the two of you. I might not be fifth-dimensional, but I’ve bested them before, and I’ll best them again.”

Maggie suddenly began twisting in her sleep, shuddering, her eyes opening. “Al?”

Alex stepped over the wires and climbed into bed with Maggie. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

“What happened?” Maggie looked around the medical room and spotted her shoulder, bandaged up. “I’m bleeding,” she said, shivering and tearing up.

Supergirl took a breath. She had seen Maggie take many wounds--- worse ones, from gunshots, bites, fire-- always stoically. Alex was right. Something was wrong.

***

Alex and Maggie sat in their cluttered living room with Kara and Lena, playing rummy, the day after the injury. Alex had been given the day off without even having to ask. For Lena, it was the first Sunday she’d taken off that year.

“Hey guys, how would you feel about opening a window?” asked Lena. “I know it’s chilly outside, but the sun is so bright and beautiful---”

“Yes please,” Maggie interrupted, rubbing her shoulder.

Alex rushed up to open a window. She shot an anxious look at Maggie before sitting back down and squeezing her close.

Lena breathed deep. It smelled like melting snow and things growing through the mud. “Thanks dear.”

“God I love this sun,” Kara stretched out, touching Lena’s shoulder with her pinky, Lena’s foot with her foot. Lena looked at Kara, mesmerized, biting her lip for a moment too long, until Maggie coughed meaningfully.

Lena shook her head, picked up a card, put down a card, breathed. “You know, it’s days like these I miss my father- Lionel,” she said, eyeing Alex for a reaction. Alex gave none; she was busy worrying over Maggie.

Lena looked at Maggie instead, and continued. “We used to plant trees together around this time.” Lena looked down at her black knee-high boots. “I know I’m not supposed to like him, and maybe I give him too much credit-- he didn’t really try to protect me from Lillian, but I do---”

“It’s okay to like him, love him,” Kara said, placing her hand on Lena’s knee. “He’s your family.”

“I feel you, Lena, except the reverse,” Maggie rasped. “People like my dad. Babies like my dad. Kids like my dad. I used to like my dad. Now I feel-- nothing.” Maggie looked up and saw Lena nodding, Kara shifting in her seat and looking away. Maggie grimaced and looked back down.

“Of course, babe, your dad was an asshole who abandoned you.” Alex touched where her holster would be.

“He wasn’t an asshole though. He would make up songs about us, and we would do puzzles together.” Alex stroked Maggie’s tense back, trying to calm her, keep her talking. This was the most Alex had ever heard about Maggie’s father. Maybe it was the painkillers making Maggie open up. But Maggie had been on stronger stuff around her before, and had been her usual close-lipped self. “It was complicated-- he just wasn’t meant to take care of a kid-- he would have made a great uncle. We’re similar, in that way.”

Lena took Maggie’s hand. “Darling, you know you are nothing like your father.” Maggie shook her head.

“Babe, is this what the whole cool aunt thing is about?” Alex asked. Maggie looked away. “I know we’re still sort of talking about what we want--- would you want a kid if you weren’t worried about this?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.” Maggie said, fiddling with her shirt.

“You deserve to be happy.” Alex took her hands.

“Not if it hurts a kid! That’s not worth it! That’s not fair!” Maggie stood up. “I’m sorry everyone-- I have to take a walk. I’ll be back in a half hour.”

“But babe, your shoulder!”

“I’ll be fine.”

“At least take your coat---” the door closed. “Oh, goddammit.”

***

Maggie whispered _you’re stupid, how could you, fuck, fuck, fuck, idiot_ to herself as she jaywalked toward the “don’t walk” sign. She noticed she was doing it as she stepped on the other curb, took a breath, and apologized to herself, _I don’t believe that, I have your back, I love you_ _._ Then she imagined herself being hit by a car--- the flash of lights, the pain to her legs, blood rushing from her chest. It made her feel calmer to think about. Then she thought about Alex, Lena, Kara. She was doing her old habits of walking out. She thought about her ex-girlfriend. Things that her ex had said. Things that were true. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

And smack she bumped right into a kid. “Sorry hon,” Maggie mumbled.

“Ma’am? Could I borrow your cell phone?” the kid asked.

“Of course,” Maggie said, remembering with bitter nostalgia all the times she had asked strangers that very question.

Maggie registered the familiar relief on the kid’s face as Maggie handed the phone over. Then she registered the familiar frizzy, matted black hair. The familiar cargo pants. The familiar stained drawstring Nike backpack.

It was eleven year-old Maggie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first fanfic. Comments and kudos really appreciated.
> 
> Honestly, thanks to this fandom. It really got me through some tough times and helped me come out and be happier, and honestly just live a fuller life.


	2. Chapter 2

Eleven year-old Maggie tilted her head at grown up Maggie. “Are you… a cousin of mine? Sorry, you look familiar, but I don’t remember your name.”

Maggie fingered her belt and the familiar holster, thinking about how to answer. “Yeah, Margarita. Don’t worry, I’m surprised you remember me at all. My name’s also Maggie.”

Young Maggie sighed with relief. “Would you be able to give me a ride to the house? Dad told me to wait after my doctor’s appointment, but it’s been a couple hours and he hasn’t picked me up yet.”

“Uhhh… Well---”

“I guess you came to stay at the house for couple nights? Even if I didn’t recognize you, I’d know we must be related. There aren’t many of us here in Nebraska---” Young Maggie finally looked around. Her eyes lingered at the skyscrapers in the distance and widened.

“Right… So, I’m a detective who arrests aliens. Sometimes weird things happen to me and my friends, and the people we know, because of that. So because you’re my relative, I guess you’ve been moved around. You’re not in Nebraska anymore. You’re in National City now, where I live.”

Maggie looked closer at her younger self’s face to watch how she reacted. Maggie shouldn’t have worried. Little her was used to rolling with the punches. And she was not a huge fan of Nebraska either.

“Cool! I actually have a cool relative. An alien detective!”

“Don’t speak so soon. You haven’t seen my tiny mess of an apartment yet.” Maggie turned toward the DEO, little her tagging behind, skipping.

“I already know you’re my coolest cousin. I mean your job aside- you don’t live in Nebraska-- that’s enough!”

Maggie grinned. “I also have a motorcycle.”

“What! You’re sure you’re related to me?”

“My last name’s Sawyer and I’m 5’3 and taller than both my parents.”

“Good enough for me.”

***

J’onn rubbed his temples. Alex’s stress was so intense he could feel it, even though she wasn’t in the building. That wasn’t good. Was Maggie OK? He went to check-- wait that couldn’t be right--- it felt like--- she was right at the door-- and that there were… two Sawyers?

“Hi J’onn.”

“Sawyer!” He jumped and turned around.

“I thought I couldn’t startle you,” she grinned. “Since you can hear people’s minds.”

“I can--- it just seemed… wrong. Like there were two of--- Never mind.” J’onn stared at the round-faced girl behind Sawyer in the Tony Hawks t-shirt and cargo pants. “Why did you bring a kid--- “ The girl tilted her head and examined J’onn. “Oh no.”

J’onn put out his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you, Maggie.”

Young Maggie took the hand cautiously. “Are you an alien?” Young Maggie listed a few things about J’onn’s face and office space that had tipped her off.

J’onn groaned. “She detects.”

***

“Hey, Winn,” Alex huffed, having rushed over to the DEO. “So I got a call. Something about Maggie and an alternative timeline opening up but Maggie’s fine? So is she really fine or is the secretary just trying to keep me calm?”

“Maggie is fine.” Alex glared at Winn skeptically. Winn expounded, “She’s here and she’s fine. No more wounds or even more cuts.” Alex continued to look aggressively worried. “No threats. Uh-- and she’s not crying or sad or mad or anything.”

Finally Alex breathed. “Ok. Good. So why were we called over here on a Sunday?” She gestured to herself and Supergirl, who had flown her.

“There are two Maggie’s now.” A gleam came into Alex’s eye.

“Stop the gross thing you’re thinking right now,” Supergirl demanded.

“What are you talking about?” Alex said, while making prayer hands and whispering something that sounded suspiciously like “Thank you, God.”

“Winn, J’onn needs you in there,” Lucy said as she walked in, holding the door open for Winn. “And sorry Agent Danvers, today’s not your lucky day. Preteen Maggie has come to visit.”

“Oh, ok.” No one missed the disappointment in her voice. “Actually, hey, that’s pretty cool. What’s little Maggie like?”

Lucy spun around her chair. “Preteen awkward, but _very_ smart. She had to sign a non-disclosure agreement within minutes because she figured out J’onn was an alien, like stat. J’onn says it’s a record.”

“That sounds like Maggie,” Alex said with pride. “IDo we know why this happened?”

Lucy spoke up. “Obviously something about the fifth dimensional alien, but we don’t know for sure.”

Alex’s jaw clenched. “You said Maggie was fine.”

Lucy put her hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Relax, Danvers. It looks like just unstuck one of Maggie’s alternate versions. No other complications.”

“What’s his goal?”

“We don’t know for sure. It could very well have to do with the poison.’” Alex’s whole body tensed and Lucy tried to focus on Alex’s stress rather than the hard muscles under her hand. “We have no reason to assume it’s not just an accident. Since he regularly travels between alternate worlds, his blood could have some strange effects on a human.”

Alex’s crinkle went back down, but her shoulders still strained. “And there are no other effects on this second Maggie?”

“She might continue coming back and forth a few times. We don’t know exactly. But her alternate world still exists and she will keep coming back to it. It shouldn’t be a big issue. Luckily she’s drawn to our Maggie so we should always know when she’s in the area.”

Supergirl spoke up, touching her face to fidget with nonexistent glasses. “What I worry is, Is this like Back to the Future?”

Lucy coughed “Nerd.”

Supergirl pointedly ignored Lucy. “I mean, should we be worried that we’ll erase our current Maggie?”

Mon-El spoke up. “No, it’s not in our universe. It’s from an alternative timeline. Apparently it’s really similar to ours though. No differences have been noticed yet.”

Winn nodded. “Physicists believe now that there are as many universes as there are shapes. Not like squares, triangles, and what have you, but mathematically possible shapes that we can’t even think of. It's pretty cool! Some universes are probably not shaped in a way that allows for aliens to travel freely to Earth. They’re shaped so that it takes too much time to travel between the planets, even when the distances are the same. If a different Maggie came from one of these very different universes though, she would probably not have survived because she would have been built with different physics in mind.”

Mon-El rolled his eyes. "Okay, egghead."

"I appreciated that information, thank you Agent Schott," Alex said, glaring at Mon-El.

Kara turned toward Mon-El. “Has this kind of thing happened on Daxom before?”

“Yep,” Mon-El said, walking out of the room.

Alex noticed how Supergirl’s face crumpled a little bit and Alex touched her gun reflexively. “Geez, what’s his problem?”

“Little Maggie was a little rude to him,” Lucy chuckled.

“Ha, of course she was,” Alex said.

“What, does Maggie not like Mon-El?” Supergirl asked.

Alex chose to ignore the question. “What did Sawyer jr say?” she asked Lucy.

“Junior was talking to Winn, they’re basically bros now--- apparently little Maggie’s obsessed with, like, hacktivists like Anonymous. Junior was asking Winn all these questions about hacking, and Mon-El interrupted Winn’s explanation because he always thinks he knows better than everyone else---”

“That’s not quite fair to him, Luce.”

“Let’s have this conversation about Mon-El and you later, Supergirl. Anyway, Mon-El tried to explain it ‘better,’ and Mags junior turned away from him and said something like ‘Excuse me, you don’t seem to know what you’re talking about. I’m not really interested in what you have to say.’”

“Wow, Mags junior has no chill,” Alex laughed.

“So what have we told her?”

“We told her Sawyer’s job, and how the alien bleeding thing probably led to this. We told her that she’s jumped between worlds, and from Nebraska to National City. But Sawyer hasn’t told her that they’re the same person. Junior thinks they’re cousins.”

“Makes sense--- but isn’t she going to realize it once she sees the year? I mean she’s _Maggie.”_

“Well, she would, and she might, but the year system is different in her universe. While we use the Judeo-Christian calendar system, they use an approximation of Jesus’s birth year. So she’s from 5767, but they call it 2006 I think."

“That’s lucky. Buys us some time.”

“Yeah, but still, uh, listen…. Junior’s gonna live with you guys in your apartment for now. Sawyer told me to tell you that she’d prefer if you two… didn’t do any PDA while Junior is here.”

“I’d prefer that too,” Supergirl mumbled.

“You mean, pretend not to be a couple? Go back in the closet?”

“Yeah, Agent Danvers. Remember, Junior’s been raised pretty homophobic. And she’s also really smart. If she realizes Sawyer and her are the same person, and that she’s gay, she’ll probably freak out…”   

“But---”

Lucy pulled Alex toward the door to meet little Maggie, leaving Supergirl alone.

Supergirl looked around, seeing no one but Steve, the new DEO intern. “Does no one like my boyfriend?” she asked Steve. Steve turned away, ears flushed pink, and rushed toward the door to join Lucy and Supergirl.

Supergirl sighed and sunk into her office chair, “Goddammit.”

 ***

“So what are we going to do with Junior tomorrow? We are in the middle of our investigation on the Flood. We can’t let this--- small issue---” J’onn said, looking down at the diminutive middle schooler, ”Slow us down.” J’onn stopped, noticing the numb look on young Maggie’s face, and then the glares of older Maggie, then Winn, Lucy, and Alex.

Young Maggie spoke, surprised, “I thought I’d explore the city. If cousin Maggie is okay with me living at her place, that’s great with me. I don’t need anything else. I can use the bus. I do in Nebraska when I can and this is better than my town’s bus system. I can go to museums and bookstores. I don’t need anything else.”

“But you don’t know the city at all,” J’onn said, peering down at her.

“I’ll figure it out. You guys don’t need to worry. I’ve been in a few cities by myself. Once I even travelled outside of Nebraska.”

“By yourself?”

“Yeah. I’m old for my age. I handle myself.”

“Honey,” grown Maggie cut in. “I know that’s true. And you’ve handled yourself very well. But I want you to feel more comfortable and not have to rely on asking strangers for phones and food all the time.”

“But why? It’s fine---”

“I know you like your independence, and as soon as I get you a cell phone and give you a tour of the city, I’ll let you hang out in the city and be in your element.”

“So what, I’ll have to go to school instead of hang out in National City? Because you don’t trust me? Call my parents. My parents trust me.”

“I was hoping, J’onn. Maggie.” Winn cut in. “If it’s okay, I would love Junior to hang out with me at work. I’d like some company, and she’s talented, she could probably give me a hand with some coding.”

Grown Maggie smiled at Winn gratefully. Little Maggie looked happier than grown Maggie had seen her.

“Well, I suppose… She already knows what I am...As long as she doesn’t do so much for it to violate child labor laws---” Alex elbowed J’onn.

“I want to work! I can work.” Junior clenched her fists.

“OK, then, it’s a plan,” J’onn gave up. He liked grown Maggie much better than this defensive preteen.

Junior sighed in relief, unclenched. “Cool. Who are we going to hack?” she asked Winn, who laughed in delight.

Maggie didn’t miss Junior stealing a look at Alex. Alex smiling back at her. Junior dropping her pen with nervousness. Maggie shook her head at her poor baby gay self.

The nurse called for Junior to take her blood tests.

J’onn handed Maggie a manilla folder. She dumped the contents onto the table and laughed. “I feel like James Bond.” A passport, social security card, credit card, driver’s license, and motorcycle license, with her photo, all under the name ‘Magdalena Jones.’

J’onn blushed. “We don’t usually do this. But since there’s a possibility of you going to a different universe alone… The DEO wants you to be safe.”

Maggie was touched. “Aw, thanks J’onn.” He turned away.

Winn piped up, “Let me show you how these bad boys work! You can change the dates and the place of origin on of these documents to suit your needs.”

Maggie laughed. “Oh, I know how. I made Alex show me how she changed her DEO ID to say FBI that first day we met.”

“Can I see how it works?” said Junior from the chair where her blood was being taken. Alex stood by the nurse, looking over the folder with the results from the finished tests herself.

“Of course, little dude,” Winn grabbed the stack of documents. “You comfortable? Considering?”

Junior shot him a winning crooked smile. “Of course! I hardly feel a thing.” Junior glanced at Alex to see if she was impressed.

Maggie rolled her eyes and turned to J’onn. She asked quietly, “Does the credit card have money on it?”

“Yes.” He still wouldn’t make eye contact. “It’s connected to the DEO bank account.”

“J’onn! That’s not--”

“It’s a work expense, Agent Sawyer. It’s the only possibility. Otherwise, you could be stranded in the past without any funds. This is the only way I can think of to avoid that. The DEO has had the same bank account since before you were born.” J’onn turned back toward her and got quieter, almost a whisper. “We’re responsible for this, Agent. Let me try to fix it.”

Maggie looked into his blazing eyes and nodded. “Why do you think this is happening?”

“Let me put it this way.” J’onn glanced at Junior, who was giggling at a joke Alex was making. He didn’t smile. “I wouldn’t want a visit from my past self.”

Understanding dawned on Maggie. “She’s a result of the poison.”

“She doesn’t mean to be. She’s a real girl, a real you, from a real alternative universe. Be kind to her. But be kinder to yourself. Don’t let the poison work. It’s trying to--” he put his head in his hands.

Maggie jostled one of J’onn’s hands into hers. “Don’t worry, sir.”

J’onn chuckled. “I’m afraid that’s not going to happen, Agent.” He looked down at her with soft eyes. “But I believe in you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've kinda already written this fanfic so I thought I would just publish a couple of chapters at once? Anyway, if you like this story, rest assured there's a lot of it. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Thank you so much for leaving kudos and comments so I know I'm not just talking to myself, haha. It really means so much <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex learns a little about Maggie's past, and the superfriends strategize Kara's breakup over game night.

As grown Maggie set up the pull-out couch with blankets and pillows, Alex watched little Maggie stare hungrily at a banana on their kitchen counter. After a couple minutes, Junior asked anxiously, “Mrs. Danvers-- “

“Alex.”

“Alex...it’s okay if you’re saving it or something-- but is it ok if--”

“You can have any food you want, little Sawyer. What’s ours is yours.”

Junior sighed in relief. She grabbed the banana and ate it voraciously while looking through the fridge and freezer.

“Haven’t eaten much today?”

Junior shook her head as she got out at the broccoli, some olive oil, and looked through the cabinets for bowls. “A few apples, a protein bar, a peanut butter sandwich.”

“Maggie!” Alex said, shocked. “It’s 7 o’clock at night.”

“What? That’s not that bad. Thanks for the food.” Junior put the broccoli and oil in the microwave. 

Alex commented, watching her, “You’re very independent.”

“Yeah. I am. I guess my cousin doesn’t see it that way.”

“She knows. She’s just being protective. I know she sees the same strong, smart young woman I see.” Junior blushed and lost words. “Ok my dude, what’s your craving? You’re a vegan just like your cousin, right?” Alex got out the chopping board and a knife.

“Yeah! She’s vegan?” The microwave dinged and Junior sat down at the counter to eat her broccoli.  “She is definitely my coolest cousin.” 

Alex grabbed some crackers from the pantry and set them in front of Junior, who stuffed a few in her mouth in an excellent impression of Kara.

“Uh, if it’s okay…” Junior drifted off, fingering her long hair.

“Of course it’s okay. Ask and you shall receive.”

Junior relaxed and her legs kicked freely above the ground. “I like molletes. My mom sometimes makes them for me.”

“Of course. Babe, would you like some molletes too?”

A muffled voice from the living room. “I would love some, thanks hon.”

Junior cocked her head. “Are you guys…”

“Yes?” Alex said. Oops… She had been trying so hard to hide it at the DEO and on the ride back to their apartment. Hands to herself. Trying not to glance too much at Maggie’s lips, or her butt. But her gay kept slipping out.

“Best friends who live with each other?” Junior asked.

Alex chuckled. “Yeah.” Of course Junior, even with her detecting skills, hadn’t guessed it. She was from Nebraska, after all.

“That’s so cool. I want to do that when I’m older. My best friend and I were talking about it.” 

_ I’m sure you do,  _ thought Alex. “If you want to, you’ll make it happen.” She saw Junior eying one of her many DEO weapon manuals. “Our books and stuff are yours too.” 

“Thank you,” Junior grinned that beautiful Maggie grin. Alex couldn’t help but grin back at her. She tore herself away and began working on earnest on those molletes.

\--

As the three sat at the dining room table together, finishing their rice and molletes and chatting about weapons, Alex sighed at how wonderfully family-like it all was. Someday maybe... She thought back to this morning, then buried it back down. She didn’t want to think about that right now.

Maggie tapped her fingers nervously against the table. She could see the wistful look in Alex’s eyes and knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Maggie…” said Junior. Maggie noticed that Junior was doing the same nervous habit as her.

“What’s up, sweetie?”

“This is about the time I get Mateo to bed. I just don’t know…” 

“If he’ll be ok without you? Don’t worry. J’onn told me that probably, because of the weird supernatural thing that landed you here, time may be slower for your family.”

“That’s weird,” Junior said. “How is that---”

“I find that the less you think about this kind of thing, the better,” Alex winked. “This kind of stuff can get weird.”

“Oh, ok. Well, good that Matteo is okay,” Junior smiled at Alex. And kept smiling at her.

Maggie cleared her throat. Her young self was getting embarrassing. “Speaking of sleeping, Al and I will clear the tables and you can shower, brush your teeth with the wrapped spare toothbrush in the bathroom, and get into the bed."

“It’s just nine o’clock! I’m not six years-old.”

“I know you’re not. But we wake up at 630 in the morning tomorrow. Just get rest a little. If you want to snuggle up with that DEO manual and read for awhile, you can.”

“Oh, ok. Thanks for the meal, again. It was delicious,” Junior said.

“Thank you for the conversation. And for the compliments. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so many compliments on my cooking.” Alex grinned, shooting Maggie a knowing look. Maggie shook her head.

“Yeah, I mean, I really appreciate it. Just your generosity. Thanks.”

Alex’s grin turned into a frown as she watched Junior leave. “Why is she so grateful for the food?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Maggie watched her little self grab the pajamas Maggie had said out. “She’ll be fine.” She stacked the dirty dishes together and reached over the table to kiss Alex on the nose. “After all, she ends up with the most beautiful woman in the universe.”

\---

As Alex came to the bedroom after brushing her teeth, she noticed Maggie shaking silently on the bed, staring straight ahead. “Hey gorgeous,” Alex said, putting her arms around Maggie.

“Hey,” Maggie’s voice wavered.  “With her around, I’m definitely glad for this military-grade soundproofed wall, huh? It’s got another use besides making Kara feel better. We can talk a little more honestly in here.” She breathed, thought she should lighten the mood. “Or, you know, do stuff,” she tugged at Alex’s shirt. 

“Sawyer. How are you doing?” 

“Ah, you know. This morning I was struggling to bury my past, tonight I have my past literally snuggled up in the next room, reading about flash grenades.”

Alex nodded. “You and your flash grenades.”

“Well, you got your wish. You’re learning a little more about me than I wanted to share.” Maggie grimaced. “That’s me in all my eleven year old glory.”

“If it makes you feel better, mostly I’m learning how gay you are for me. Which you already show me in this soundproofed room of ours.”

Alex succeeded in winning a smile in Maggie, before Maggie facepalmed. “God, I forgot how defiant I was back then. You must think I’m really spoiled.”

“That is… definitely not what I’m getting from this. Honey, I am really glad you’re here. Little you I mean. I feel like this is the first time in days you’re getting a full meal. Are you ok? What’s happening?”

Maggie sighed. “Well, my parents were never very good at… that sort of thing. The little parenting tasks.”

“I got that impression.”

“It’s fine... they made me independent. And as I got older, I got better at cooking and finding food, and uh…”

“Bathing?

Maggie sighed. “You noticed?”

“Yeah,” Alex grimaced, “It’s fine, it’s just the hair is a bit--”

“Mm, it’s probably been over a week since she showered.”

Alex worked to seem nonchalant. “Well… Little me wouldn’t have showered either, if mom hadn’t---”

“Yeah.” Alex noticed Maggie’s lowered eyes, the pink creeping down her face.

She changed the subject. “And Mateo is your-- brother?” Maggie nodded. “I knew you had a younger brother. You just never mention him. I didn’t know you were close.”

“Yeah. He’s---” Maggie closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing. “Yeah he’s--- he’s my brother. He’s like, four years younger than me.”

“You took care of him too,” Alex smiled. “He’s like your Kara.”

Maggie grimaced. “Yeah. I guess we’re similar that way.”

Alex took a deep breath, smelling the scent of Maggie’s coconut shampoo on her hair. “It’s okay. We don’t have to keep talking about this. I’m glad I’m learning more about you, but I also am sorry that I’m learning about this in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. That was never my intention.”

“Well, you didn’t cause all this.”

“No I didn’t. But I’m still sorry. And don’t feel a duty to take care of little you. The DEO sees it as our responsibility, not yours. If it’s too triggering for her to be staying in our house, or anything like that-- or when it becomes that-- let us know and we’ll take care of it.”

“I mean--- I do feel some responsibility for myself. And she’s hard to handle, if you haven’t noticed.”

“Oh, I think I can handle her just fine.”

Maggie snorted. “True. If only J’onn was as hot as you.”

Alex laughed. “I’m going to tell him you said that.”

“Don’t you dare.”

\--

Alex came over to Winn’s office during lunch. She took in little Maggie, office chair set to the lowest setting so that her feet could be on the ground, staring intently at the screen. Her chair was touching Winn’s and his arm was slung over her shoulder. Alex smiled to see little Maggie’s relaxed breathing, her mouth wide open in un-self-conscious interest. 

That lack of self-consciousness immediately disappeared as soon as she noticed Alex. Little Maggie jumped up on her feet and combed her newly clean hair with her fingers. “Hi Mrs. Danvers, Alex! How’s it going with you?” 

For the first time ever, Alex felt jealous of Winn. She wished little Maggie could just feel comfortable with her, let Alex pretend little Maggie was maybe a little niece, or, maybe even (if she let herself dream) her daughter. But no, little Maggie was her girlfriend’s awkward previous incarnation, and there was no denying that. 

“Cool vest. Can I touch it?” Young Maggie asked, inching toward her. 

Alex sighed. Jesus, dealing with middle school thirst was stressful. But she kept her face sunny, for her grown Maggie. “I knew you’d dig kevlar. Sure, you can touch my back.”

Young Maggie touched the rough fiber. “Wow,” she gasped. “I wish I had your job.”

Alex chuckled. “If that’s what you want in a few years, let me know, and I’ll help you out.”

Even if it didn’t make sense, it was the right thing to say, because little Maggie stood up straighter. “I will.” In her determined, tight jaw, Alex saw older Maggie’s cop face.

“Awesome. How did your job today go?”

Little Maggie, jumping, high-fived Winn, who jumped a little too in surprise. “Great! We hacked CADMUS!” She did a little dance, ending in the Superman pose, arms up and chest out.

“Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy,” Winn laughed. He too made the pose. “I forgot all about that! It was such a thing!”

“Now watch me yuuuu!” Little Maggie did the dance again.

“Crank dat Soulja Boy!” Winn noticed Alex’s befuddled look. “No hip-hop phase?”

“Nah. Just punk. You were-- I mean you are-- into hip-hop?”

“Crank dat went viral. I watch everything that goes viral.” Winn looked back at little Maggie. “Want to learn a dance called the dab?”

“Yeah!” little Maggie cried out. Alex left the office, closing the door behind her, trying not to feel hurt or left out. She decided to find her grown girlfriend. Grown Maggie at least liked her better than Winn.

“Hey babe,” Alex said, finally peeking in one of the maze-like police station’s rooms and finding Maggie. Maggie was doing paperwork, listening to music on her phone. The fluorescent lights added a sickly look to Maggie’s skin, but Alex couldn’t help but admire the curve of Maggie’s back, the tense muscles rippling through her shirt.  Alex looked down at the phone. Well, it was MC Hammer. A small step up from Soulja Boy, as far as Alex was concerned.

Alex glanced around, noticing that the room was completely empty. Everyone must be out for lunch. It was a gorgeous day. Her lucky day. She planted a kiss on Maggie’s neck.

Maggie jumped, looking around wildly. Alex backed up. “Oh, sorry Maggie. It’s just me.” 

Maggie took off her headphones. “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you there.” 

Alex noticed Maggie’s breathing wasn’t slowing. “You ok?”

“Just stressed.” Maggie closed her eyes and ran her hand through her hair.

“Well, hey, maybe I can help,” Alex sat next to her. “They say I’ve got like, superspeed with these forms. I’m like the Flash of bullshit.” Doing paperwork wasn’t what she had planned when she saw Maggie all alone in the room, but any time making her feel happier was time well-spent.

“Normally I can fill out forms like this just fine,” Maggie said, looking down at her paper, “But today it’s like I can’t get my eyes to focus. I’ve been just sitting and staring at this form for an hour.”

Alex took Maggie’s hand. “You didn’t sleep well last night.” She noticed how Maggie’s pulse was jumping. Alex breathed slowly and deeply, and finally Maggie started to as well.

“Yeah. Nightmares.” She looked away. “A lot of things I haven’t thought about in awhile. I thought I was over this. But it’s like, inside me...” 

“It’s Junior, huh?” Maggie nodded. “We need to rehome her.” 

“No, we can’t!” Maggie cried out, her face red, balling her fists. “That’s not what she needs, that’s the opposite of what she needs! She needs something stable, we need to be that. She thinks I’m her cousin, you don’t know what that would mean to her---” 

“I’m worried about my Maggie though---”

“We’re the same person!”

“Ok, fine,” Alex took both of Maggie’s hands and gently unclenched them, revealing little cuts on Maggie’s palms. “We’ll keep her here, she’ll have a lovely time. Tonight’s game night, she’ll like that.” Alex picked up Maggie’s pen. “And I’ll help you with that form right now. Sounds good?” 

Maggie shook her head. “Sounds good.”

\--

Lena looked up over Settlers of Catan and noticed Kara stimming was more anxious than usual. “Kara, honey, are you okay?”

“I just--- guys, you are my closest friends.” Winn, Lena, Maggie, and Alex nodded. Junior was fastidiously setting up the game, a job she had demanded after the first round at Game Night. To her right were stacked the already played games-- Taboo, Loteria, and a deck of cards-- and an emptied pack of beer.

“Do you all think I should break up with Mon-El?” she glanced at Lena. “Um, Mike the Intern.”

They all looked away. Little Maggie looked up and scanned their faces. “What? You guys! Yes! Duh. You have all said this to me. We all hate Mon-El. Well, I don’t know about Lena. I just met her.” Junior smiled at Lena dreamily. Sawyer facepalmed. 

Alex laughed quietly at grown Maggie and clasped her hand. “Yeah. Um. Little Maggie’s kinda right. I’m sorry Kara.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I just--- thanks little Maggie--- I kinda should know this. Your opinion matters to me. Even you, Winn? I thought you and Mon-El were buddies.”

“Uhhh…”

“Come on Winn,” Little Maggie shook her head at him. “Winn hates Mon-El too, he’s just really nice. But Mon-El’s a jerk to him.”

Grown Maggie turned to Lena. “Little Maggie’s not good with secrets. Or tact.”

Alex squeezed Junior’s shoulder. “And she’s a great detective. Watch yourself.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Lena said, glancing at Kara and biting her lip.

“Well,” Winn sighed. “Since Junior brought it up. I liked him at first. But he’s just so aggressive. And he’s kind of a creep with women. And his politics are shite. And I hate how he is with you Kara!” Winn’s gestures had been getting wider and wider with intensity. He put his hands back in his lap. “Woosh. Feelings. I’ve just been holding this in awhile.”

“Why have you all been holding this in?” Kara covered her eyes. “I’ve been feeling--- crazy. Like crazy for not liking being around him. Like, he’s cute and all. He made me feel like--I was just being racist toward Daxamites or something.”

“Oh. Little Danvers, I am so sorry. We let you down,” Maggie went in for a hug. Alex noticed that tear streaking down Kara’s face and her uneven breathing. “You should never feel crazy in a relationship. Or like you owe anyone something to feel good about yourself. We just… We’d say little things to test the waters, and you would shoot them down. But we should have stood up for you, and we didn’t. We fucked up.”

“Yeah,” said little Maggie, patting Kara’s leg.

Alex made a face. “Junior, shush. What do you mean? You haven’t been hiding anything.”

“True,” little Maggie tilted her head. “I guess I meant… you guys fucked up.”

Everyone laughed. Little Maggie looked down sheepishly. Lena kissed her on the top of the head. “We’re laughing out of love, dear. You’re right.” Junior turned bright red.

“So what’s the plan?” Alex said, tapping on her leg. “You told me he’s shown up in your apartment before, unannounced, to convince you to be with him. That’s harassment.” Lena scowled and crossed her arms. “How do we keep Kara safe?”

Grown Maggie said, still hugging Kara, “Well of course, first things first, we need to make a restraining order.” Junior got out a pen and paper from under the coffee table and began writing it down. “Thanks dude. “

“I’ll hack into his phone to monitor his location,” said Winn, bouncing his leg in excitement.

Kara looked down from to notice little Maggie grin and underline ‘hack’ three times. “You’re a bad influence on her.” Her voice was muffled by Maggie’s sweater.

“She got there herself,” replied Maggie, shaking her head.

“Ok,” Alex continued with the plan, nodding at little Maggie to continue with notes, “And when he gets closer than he is supposed to, Winn will ping me”--- Winn gave Alex a thumbs-up. “And I’ll send a DEO agent to beat him bloody---” Kara lifted a long, sweatpants-clad leg to kick Alex lightly. “I mean to snap a photo of him for evidence.”

“You guys, I really appreciate this, but-- this is so much,” Kara untangled herself from Maggie. “You don’t have to do all this. I can take care of myself. I’m goddamn Sup---” she glanced at Lena. “A goddamn strong woman.”

Alex didn’t miss Lena rolling her eyes. And by the concerned look Maggie shot Alex, neither did she. Maggie turned back to Kara. “I know sweetheart. You’re strong. But even strong people need help sometimes. We’ve got you. And even if it doesn’t seem like it right now to you, Mon-El’s been pulling some really icky abusive stunts.”

“I don’t know if I’d say abusive--” Kara sighed. “I guess I do defend him kind of reflexively.”

“Hey guys,” little Maggie piped up. “I think the Mon-El issue is good and solved. And I set all up Settlers. So…”

“Junior, I don’t know if Kara’s quite ready---” Sawyer chided.

“No, I want to play. I’d like to play. It’d be good for me-- to play.” Kara straightened her glasses. “You’re right little Maggie. All this feelings stuff is getting kind of a lot.”

“And you’ll break up with him tomorrow,” Alex said, reaching out to hold Kara’s hand.

Kara squeezed Alex’s hand. “And I’ll break up with him tomorrow.” 

“Good,” said Junior. “I call red.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D It still feels amazing that folks are reading this story. Thanks for your comments and kudos!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much sexual tension between Lena and Kara! The superfriends team up to support Maggie. Kara breaks up with Mon-El, finalllyy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: In the scene when Kara is breaking up with him, Mon-El uses abusive, misogynistic, and homophobic language. Lena deals with him. This should be the only scene with explicit abuse in this story. Feel free to skip the scene or chapter.
> 
> Edit: added a short scene with J'onn

Sawyer, Winn, and Junior were hotly debating the tactic of doxxing, as Kara and Lena grabbed food from the kitchen. Suddenly, silently, Lena grabbed Kara’s hand and dragged her toward the balcony door. Alex touched Sawyer’s hand and looked toward the couple. Sawyer followed her gaze.

“Ha,” said Sawyer.

“What?”

“Nothing, Winn,” Alex said. Sawyer mouthed _You owe me,_ putting her hand out to collect the bet money. Alex batted it and mouthed _We’ll see._ Junior watched them, tilting her head, and followed their gaze to the balcony where she could just make out Lena and Kara through the shades.

“Kara. How could you do this to me,” Lena smiled at Kara as they looked out at the city together. Lena’s eyebrow arched in a way Kara found perfect.

“Do what?”

“I mean-- we both know that I know that you’re Supergirl--”

Kara opened her mouth, her finger pointing.

“Save it. We’re keeping up the facade so that my murderous torturing relatives don’t try to get any information out of me. But I’m not easily fooled and you’re not great at keeping secrets, you ‘goddamn strong woman,’ and you know that. So shush.” She winked and put a finger to her wine-colored lips.

Kara sighed with relief. It was so good to be on the same page. “That’s-- fair. No comment.”

Lena continued, hands folded together. “But couldn’t you have found a way to avoid lying to me about how Maggie and Maggie--  who look identical, have the same name, have the same expressions, and are both exceedingly gay-- are somehow just cousins? Seriously?”

Kara gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. The government still frowns on it, but… So the truth is, Maggie had a fight with a time-travelling alien, got some blood on her, and now Maggie has a mini-me preteen that we don’t know what to do with.”

Lena shrugged, “Let’s take her to work. Cat-Co. L-Corp. It’s fine with me.”

“See, that’s what we have been doing, but mini-Maggie’s starting to feel really cooped up. Apparently Maggie was basically raised by wolves. She wants to wander around the city, but grown Maggie feels like it’s not really safe.”

Lena laughed.  “Oh, this isn’t a real problem. We can just throw money at it. I can give her like, an escort--- get your eyes back in their sockets, not that kind of escort Kara, I mean like a chaperone-- it can even be a tutor so she’s not missing any academics.”

 Kara was smiling goofily up at Lena, making such a good impression of earlier Junior looking at Lena that Lena got deja vu. “Got something to tell me, Kara?” Lena said through a smile.

“Nothing… You’re just--- really nice.” The smell of the wine on Kara’s breath wafted to Lena’s nose. “And pretty.”

“Alright honey,” Lena attempted a nonchalant laugh. “We should probably get you to bed before you say something you regret. You have a long day ahead of you.”

“What might I regret? I can’t think of anything I’d regret.” Her gaze went up Lena’s long neck to her lips.

Lena’s breath hitched. “Nothing, then.”

“Good.” Kara stepped closer to Lena and clasped her hands. Lena looked into Kara’s warm blue eyes and tried to breathe as Kara’s nose touched hers. Kara’s lips came closer…. And she kissed Lena’s cheek. “You’re such a good friend,” Kara whispered in Lena’s ear.

Ouch. Lena felt the ping in her chest. Kara continued, “And you’re so beautiful.” Kara laughed and stepped back, swinging Lena’s arm. “And smart.”

“Alright, let’s.. Let’s get you to bed,” Lena rubbed her temples. She had a sudden headache from trying to interpret Kara’s mixed signals.

Kara’s gaze followed Lena’s hands. “Do you want a massage? I give great massages!”

“Absolutely not! I mean, no thank you.” Lena led Kara back inside, hand chastely on Kara’s shoulder.

\---

Maggie knocked on the ajar door of their home office, the makeshift guest room where Kara would be staying the night. Part of her had been dreading it because she didn’t want to be interrupting anything between Lena and Kara. But Kara was drunk, so Maggie knew Lena wouldn’t be trying anything. “Hey, you’ve been in there awhile. Can I be of any help?”

“Yes, please,” Maggie heard Lena’s muffled reply.

Lena was sitting in a desk chair rolled to the side of the futon couch, where Kara slept, strands of hair falling in her face, smiling softly. Lena had tucked Kara in, and Kara’s blanket was drawn under her chin. Maggie opened her mouth to ask what was the problem, then noticed Lena’s arm extended awkwardly, Kara’s hand clasped in Lena’s.

“Stuck?” Maggie chuckled.

Lena looked helplessly at Maggie in answer. She sighed. “I’ll try again to rouse her.” Lena used her other hand to stroke Kara’s hair. “Kara honey, wake up.”

“Lena?” Kara mumbled. “Cuddle?”

“No Kara, I have to go--” Lena was interrupted by Kara’s snores. Lena took her left hand off of Kara’s face and turned toward Maggie. “I’ve had this conversation with Kara three times.”

Maggie shook her head. “Time to be more assertive. Kara,” Maggie said in her stern cop voice.

This time the smile slid off of Kara’s face and she opened her eyes. “Maggie? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, honey. You just need to let Lena free. You’ve been keeping her captive.”

Kara tilted her head, then followed Maggie’s gaze to her hand. “Oh!” Kara let go and flushed red. “I’m so sorry Lena.”

“No, it’s totally okay, love. I love holding your hand. Don’t worry about a thing. I--”

Maggie put her arm on Lena’s shoulder. “Lena, would you help me clean some things up in the kitchen while we let Kara sleep? I would really appreciate it.”

“Yes, of course. Sweet dreams, Kara,” Lena said, gazing deeply into Kara’s eyes.

“Goodnight Lena,” Kara replied, doing the same. Kara’s eyes followed Lena out of the room.

Once they were in the kitchen, Maggie turned to Lena, “Dude.”

“I know, I know,” Lena groaned and turned to the sink. She splashed some water in her face. “Maggie, please tell me. Is she straight? Am I being a total idiot?”

“I don’t know,” Maggie closed and put away the bag of chips. “She might not be. But she’s definitely not out. I mean I don’t think she’s out to herself. I’m pretty sure.”

“Yes,” Lena closed her eyes. “Sometimes I really wish I was straight.” She grabbed a sponge and began roughly cleaning a plate.

“I’ve been there,” Maggie took a breath and ran a hand through her hair. “I hate that you’re torturing yourself like this. You’re working too hard with her. So come on. Let me help you set up a Tinder, or Okcupid, or Her. Whatever you want. But you need to get out there.”

“I’m a _Luthor,_ Maggie. Everyone knows what I look like. Kara’s the only one who doesn’t care, who sees me--”

Maggie threw a rag at Lena’s face. “Shut _up,_ Lena. You’re rich. You’re hot. You’ve saved this city almost as many times as Supergirl has.”

Lena blushed, “That’s not really true. Supergirl has saved it three hundred---”

“Stop fangirling your crush. It’s weird.” Lena looked at Maggie, shocked. Maggie shrugged. “We’re both too smart for this shit. Anyway-- I know you’ve had a rough time. But please believe me. That rough time is over. You made it end, because _you_ are kind, generous, funny, and smart, and people want to be around you.” Lena blushed and looked away. “That shit you think people are saying about you isn’t true. It’s inside of you, not outside.”

Lena took a breath. Took it in. Then shook her head. “But people were saying that stuff, like a year ago. Before I met Kara. Kara’s who changed it for me. The articles she wrote… and Supergirl being seen with me everywhere… It was everything.”

“I know. But now you have a lot more positive articles being written about you, not just by Kara. And so many allies. And it’s because you’ve saved the city. And your inventions… like the new medicines you’ve created to treat Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s haven’t hurt.”

Lena shook her head. “If Kara stops being friends with me---”

Maggie took her hand. “If Kara stops being friends with you, I’ll still be here for you.”

Lena’s lip shook. “You promise?”

“I promise. I may have met you through Kara, but I’m friends with you because of who you are. And I’m just like the rest of the city that way.”

“Okay. Okay,” Lena said, taking a deep breath, a tear running down her face. “I needed to hear that.” Maggie squeezed her hand. “It’s just hard. When you’re whole life has been--- rough, as you say--- and then things get better, it’s just hard to trust that, you know? It’s like believing in God or something.”

“I completely understand.” Lena and Maggie looked at each other.

Lena turned away and choked up. “Especially with my family reminding me of the past with the monthly murder attempts…”

Maggie opened her arms for Lena, “Oh honey....”

As if to remind Maggie of her own past, Junior ran into the kitchen. “Aunt Maggie!” she cried out. Lena looked up at Maggie’s face, so close to her own, before subtly wiping a tear away and stepping back. She noticed the pained look that ghosted over Maggie’s face when she saw her young self, quickly covered up by a warm smile that didn’t extend to her eyes.

\--

Junior was asleep, mouth open, head in Winn’s lap. The light in the living room was dim and orange, and all other rooms in the apartment were dark. Lena had gone home. The three of them-- Alex, WInn, and Maggie--- were talking in whispers, every so often. Reminiscing about time spent together, other game nights, talking about where remembered people had ended up. Alex’s gaze lingered on Junior. Junior’s breath had caught a piece of lint, and Alex watched it go back and forth with each breath.

Winn noticed her gaze and looked down at Junior too. “What happens to her, Maggie?”

“What do you mean?” Maggie said, looking away from her young self.

“I love her, Maggie. Is she going to be ok?”

Maggie made herself look carefully at her young self. She saw the sweat on Junior’s cheek and the drool on Winn’s knee. With a practiced eye, she watched the face for signs of awakeness. She saw none. “Well. She’ll be kicked out when she’s fifteen. Then she’ll live with her aunt, for a bit. Then, uh, she won’t. Winn, I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing with Junior.  I wish I could myself but--- it’s just wonderful to see. She’s never going to get that, in her life. An older person she can feel safe with.”

Winn nodded his head, tears in his eyes, and reached out to her. “I know what that’s like.”

Maggie patted his hand, half-smiled and half-grimaced, clenched her hands. “Thanks Winn. Again, I appreciate it. I’m sorry, I got to go to bed.” And she exited quickly into their bedroom.

Alex put her head in her hands and quietly let out a sob. Winn put both hands in Junior’s and squeezed. Junior smiled in her sleep.

“Alex-- I know what you’re going to say, but we’ve got to---” Winn’s words came in a rush.

“I know,” Alex stopped him. “I know. I agree.”

“Really?” Winn said, having expected an argument. “You’re going to help me keep Junior here? Even though it might mean that, in Junior’s universe, you--”

“Yeah. I love Maggie, Winn. I can’t see this happen to her....”She bit the inside of her cheek. “I can’t promise anything. It might mess up space-time, and we don’t even know why she’s here, and I don’t want to upset grown Maggie. But I’ve got to look into it.”

“I’d adopt her. I would,” Winn said, gripping Junior’s hands tightly.

“Winn, are you sure? That’s a big decision. You’ve known her for just a couple of days.”

“More sure than I’ve been of anything.” Winn looked down at Junior. “I’ve always wanted to adopt an older kid, like I wish someone had done for me. And I love this one, and this one loves me, so why not? I already know she turns out good.”

Alex reached out to kiss Winn on the cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered into his ear. “Thank you.”

\--   

During lunch break at the police station, Maggie laughed quietly at her own joke over her phone. Her Facebook status: “Had a dream last night where I finally understood why people liked cats. I finally felt like a real gay. Then I woke up. Oh well.“

Under the barrage of “You don’t like cats??!!! Why are we friends?”-type comments, was Alex’s: “Oh, I am so glad. So have the nightmares finally ended?”

Maggie furrowed her brow and replied: “Nah, but the cats were a nice relief after I got shot and died. I met some truly lovely dream cats.” She opened up her lunch bag, got out her banana.

As he waited for Catco’s coffee machine to pour his coffee, James read the comment on his phone. His brow furrowed and he walked out of the breakroom, leaving his coffee behind. He found Lena looking over different layouts in her office. “Lena, have you seen this?”

Lena’s eyes flitted across the screen, “Oh no. Maggie.”

“So, I gather she’s not enjoying her mini-me as much as Winn is?”

Lena shook her head in response, sighing.

“We’ve got to do something.” James said.

Maggie felt her phone vibrating against her. “Hello, this is Detective Sawyer speaking.”

“Hey, this is James,” Maggie raised her eyebrows in surprise at hearing his deep voice. “I saw your status on facebook, and I thought I’d check on you.”

“Oh, hey James. It’s good to hear from you. Well, contrary to popular belief, disliking cats is not a cry for help.”

“Agree to disagree, but actually I was calling about the nightmares bit.”

“Oh.” Maggie wasn’t used to talking about _feelings_ with James. He was her workout buddy, drinking buddy, fellow Knicks fan. Sometimes they’d complain about work and racism, talk politics. But generally he was her bro, in the fratty sense of the word. Not-- yet-- in the familial sense. “Yeah, I’ve had a few of those. These past few days.”

“Want to come along with me on my hike today after work? And just talk?”

“You know, that would be nice. You know I’m a nature gay at heart.”

“It’s the rural in you, yeah.”

“Oh man, is it obvious? I thought that I’d gotten to the point where I look a little like a native.” Maggie inspected her reflection on her laptop and smoothed out a flyaway.

“You probably got others fooled, yeah. But for us who know you... you’re, like, a little more feral. Not civilized like us city folk.”

“Oh hush,” Maggie grinned. “You’re just saying that because I keep asking you to go camping. Trust me, you’d like it.”

James took a breath. “Well actually, I was thinking about going camping after our hike. I know you have the night shift tomorrow, so I thought maybe this  evening you could take me on a hike. Teach me how to pitch a tent and scare the bears away.”

Maggie dropped her mouth in such disbelief that her grape fell out onto the table. She looked around the empty room and popped it back into her mouth. “Wow, that’s quite the change of heart. Not afraid of ticks and mosquitoes anymore?”

“Well, you know. Between this presidency and climate change, I’ve been thinking more and more about the impending apocalypse and I am very unprepared.”

“Yeah, after the apocalypse, me and the rest of the uncivilized country folks will be toasty with our perfectly built fires while y’all urban sophisticates are squealing in the corner afraid of a couple bugs.”

“True. Alex is a lucky woman. She’ll spend the end of times in style,” James said with a smile. “And with luck and you as my teacher, maybe I can pull off looking a little less dumb and a little more rugged.”

“I’ll see what I can do. So, 515 work for you?"

As she smiled through the last bites of her sandwich, warmth in her chest, Maggie thought for the first time about telling her younger self the truth. So she could point to her life and say, “See? Look how loved you are now.” She could point out Winn, her little brother. Kara, her little sister. Maybe even James. And Alex...

But no. The warmth cracked. Maggie thought back to Game Night last night. If young Maggie learned she was gay earlier, that’d mean she would fuck up earlier. She’d get herself pushed out of the house at eleven. She hadn’t learned secrecy yet. Old Maggie would have to be a great liar for the both of them.

\---

Winn knocked on J'onn's door. “Come in."

“Sir, I just wanted to submit my proposal for money devoted to research toward parallel dimensions. Specifically, this research--- requiring the expertise of our bioengineering, physicist, and medical staff-- would address the question of how to keep Maggie Sawyer Jr. in this universe, although it would have far-reaching applications that would prove useful to our…” Winn trailed off as he noticed J’onn’s glower.

J’onn closed his eyes. “Thank you Winn. You can leave it on my desk.” 

Winn nodded and bowed out. J’onn opened up his phone, which Alex had helped him set up. She had created a facebook profile for him and taken a photo of them sticking their tongues out at the camera. She had chuckled when J’onn had uploaded a picture of his profile as his profile picture. 

J’onn sighed. He stared at Maggie’s status update. He clicked on Maggie’s picture, of her leaning against her Triumph and smiling down at her engagement ring. Looking so much freer than she had this past week. 

He shook his head and threw Winn’s proposal in the trash.

\---

Mon-El kicked the vending machine in the breakroom of Catco. “Where the fucked is my snack? What kind of shitish metal servant is this?” He startled as he saw Lena walk toward him, and he smoothed out his hair with his hand. “Hello ma’am.”

“Lena is fine,” she said coldly. As she looked at Mon-El smiling face, she thought back to last night, when she had encouraged Kara to break up with him. She suddenly felt selfish, predatory. “Hey, you forgot to push the number of the item for the vending machine.”

“Oh, you have to do that? Weird.” Mon-El pushed the button, got his chex mix. “Cool. I owe you one.” Lena smiled at him for a second, until she realized his eyes had trailed to her chest. “Hey, I heard that you had to take over your brother’s business because he went to jail. If you need any help or tips, let me know. I started reading the autobiography who made that bean juice store, Starbust or whatever, and I’ve learned so much. He’s a genius.”

Lena no longer felt guilty. She saw Kara walking toward her, smiling and blushing and also--- Lena was pretty sure--- glancing at her chest. Somehow Lena didn’t mind. A strand of Kara’s hair had fallen from her ponytail and Lena had an urge to slip it behind her ear and draw her close and kiss the top of her head and then maybe kiss her lips--- Lena took a deep breath.

“Hey babe,” Mon-El said. Kara saw him and her face fell. She stopped in her tracks. “What’s up? I’ve missed you. We haven’t talked all day.” Lena passed Kara and squeezed her arm. Lena stopped at the coffee-maker with the intention of making the world’s slowest coffee. No way she was leaving Kara alone with him.

Mon-El walked toward Kara, closing the gap between them. “Oh, just busy.” He kissed her.

She looked away and took a step back. He furrowed his brows. “You always say you’re busy. But I work too, and I have time for you.”

“I know, I just---” she fidgeted with her fingers.

“What, you think you’re too good for me? Is that what this is about?” He walked toward her.

“I don’t think I’m better than you, in some ways, I mean, I think you’re better than me--” As she poured her coffee, Lena gritted her teeth. “I think that maybe you would be better off---”

“What is this about, you being from the civilized _Krypton,_ you think my people are _savages---_ ”

“Babe, please!” Kara grabbed Mon-El’s arm. “Please don’t talk about that here---”

“I don’t give a shat about your little secret identity, your hero complex,” Mon-El spat. “Typical Kryptonian, trying to prove that you’re better than everyone else.” A tear silently streaked down Kara’s face and her breathing became heavier. “Stop trying to get sympathy. Your people killed my people and themselves over their fucking arrogance. I thought you were different.” Chills went through her body. He whispered in her ear, “Stop those crocodile tears. No one believes this little act of yours.”

Lena pushed the button on her watch for security. “Mike, you’re fired. For harassment.” She balled her fist as she saw Kara shuddering in the corner.

“Ma’am-- Lena--- you don’t understand,” he took a step toward her and implored. “I know you’re friends, so you don’t see how she treats me. She strings me along and treats me like crap---”

“I don’t think you understand.” She took a step toward him. “Get. The fuck. Out of my office.”  She was close to him now, her nose at his neck, her glare chilling.

He tilted his head up and laughed. “You fucking bitch.” Suddenly he went to slap her. She dodged it and tripped him with her foot.

“She’s done with you. Don’t you dare talk to her again.”

On his back, Mon-El whimpered at Kara, “Does she speak for you babe? Are you going to listen to her and break up with me?”

Kara glanced at Lena and then looked away. “Yeah,” she mumbled.

“I thought you loved me,” Mon-El said. Kara sank down to her knees. “Guess that was a lie.” Mon-El spat at Lena’s leg.  “Kara and you belong together. Both of you are dyke whores.” Lena kicked him onto his stomach and kicked his head down.

Lena’s two bodyguards rushed in. Rod said, smiling, “Looks like you got this under control.”

Mon-El spoke up, his voice muffled by the floor. “Doesn’t it bug you to be ordered around by a woman?” he sneered.

Jaleel shook his head. “Not particularly. Up and out,” he said, as he and Rod grabbed Mon-El’s arms and escorted him out.

Lena rushed to Kara, shuddering on her knees, and sank down with her. “Shhh, honey. Shh, Kara. I’m here for you.” Kara’s shuddering became more intense, and the tears began to flow. “We’re going to take the rest of the day off. Ice cream, Noonan’s, potstickers, it’s all on me.” Lena kissed the top of Kara’s head, brushed the hair of her eyes. “You’re so kind and brilliant and generous and brave. You’re so good and I’m going to keep you safe.”

Stephanie, the copyeditor, came in, eyes full of concern. _Tissues,_ Lena mouthed. Stephanie nodded and placed the tissue box on the ground like an offering, headed back out.

“I don’t--- feel--- good,” Kara hiccuped, breathing hard.

“Of course not. You will though,” Lena said, holding Kara close. “Do you want me to bring you to your apartment?”

“No-- he-- might--- be--- there.” For a second, Lena saw stars, so angry at the man who made Supergirl afraid.

She took a breath. Being mad helped no one. “Shh, it’s okay. Want to come to my apartment?”

“Yeah-- I’ve-- never--- been --- there.”

 _Yes, because bringing a girl I have a secret crush on to my apartment feels... improper,_ Lena thought. Instead she said lightly, “I’m hardly ever there myself.”

_\--_

“It’s cozy,” Kara said, by the door, in a daze.

“Surprised? Thought it would be bigger?” Lena teased.

“Well-- yeah actually. You don’t have a couch?” Kara looked at the stainless steel kitchen and the coffee table with two chairs propped by the wall-sized window. She could see the two other rooms--- the ocean-themed bathroom and the sparse bedroom. She then shook herself and clasped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, it’s beautiful, you have beautiful taste.”

“It’s okay, dear,” Lena shook her head. “You’re the second visitor I’ve had, after my mother. And I didn’t really care about making her feel comfy.”

“I guess we’ll have to take the bed.” Lena couldn’t help admire how Kara, even on this rough day, skipped to the bedroom. And admire her ass. And think about Kara, in her bedroom, in her bed… Lena looked up at the ceiling and breathed deeply. She was here to take care of Kara, not take advantage of her. She would keep it under control.

“I’m going to get the water boiled for the potstickers. You find something on Netflix,” Lena called out to Kara. That would give Lena a moment to cool off.

“You have potstickers?”

“Well… I bought them for you awhile ago. Just in case.”

Lena felt a breeze and then warm arms and closeness and Kara was hugging her. “Lena. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Lena could feel the tears on Kara’s face on her own.

“I just… I want you to be happy…” she bit her lip, but she couldn’t stop the words from falling out. “I love you, Kara.”

“I love you too,” Kara said immediately. She pulled away so that their noses touched, and looked at Lena in her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes. She stroked Lena’s hair. “I love you too, Lena.” Kara kissed Lena on the forehead. And with another breeze, Kara was gone. “How do you feel about _Mean Girls?_ ” Kara called from the bedroom.

So much for cooling off. Lena was over.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and for your lovely comments :D <3 I can't keep up the daily posting schedule, but will post soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maggie tells James about her nightmare and about her parents kicking her out. Kara kisses Lena. Gay panic! Sister time. Junior finds something that makes her question everything.

“To the rest of us, she’s cute, I promise, not annoying,” James said, only a little exertion in his voice as he trudged up the steep path with his backpacking bag. “But I get it. Meeting middle school me would be horrifying. No one’s their best self in middle school.”

Maggie kicked some dirt. “Yesterday she learned about the Virgin Islands, was very uncomfortable about the name, and made an icky sex joke about it.”

“Ouch.”

“Then she saw Alex behind her and literally ran to the bathroom.” She put her hands over her face.

“Double ouch.”

“I’d be way more okay about this if she could just keep it in her pants around Alex.”

“And Lena.”

“Oh god, you saw that?!”

“I might be a straight dude, but I’m not blind.” 

“Dammit.” 

“Don’t forget Lucy. And Vasquez. And the nice woman at Chipotle.” 

“You and I both know you could keep going, but please stop.”

James grinned and turned to face Maggie. “How on Earth did you ever pass for straight?” 

“I have zero clue,” Maggie said, sticking her hands in her pockets. “I actually asked my mom if she thought I was gay. When I was twelve.” 

“What did she say?”

“She said she didn’t think I was gay.”

“What? Did she ever look at how you dressed yourself?”

Maggie shrugged. “She said I had small hands. Lesbians have big hands.” She put her hands in her pockets and laughed. “It’s dumb, but I’m still a little self-conscious about it.”

“Based on how unusually cheerful Alex has been this year, I’m gonna say your hands are just fine.” Maggie swatted at him, but cheered up and stood a little straighter. James smiled at her and squatted by a few large white mushrooms. He took out his camera to take a photo. “So, uh, how about you tell me about these nightmares you’ve been having.”

“I don’t know… It’s a lot.”

“It’s not too much for me.”

“Well this was last night’s, it keeps haunting me... “ Maggie looked away as they began hiking again. “I was in the car with my parents, I was 14. I was waiting to be dropped off by them at the library, where my best friend was, the girl I had a crush on. And my parents just passed the library, they got lost. And then they parked and started arguing about where they were and how to get there. And I got more and more restless, anxious. And then I ran. For a moment, I felt relieved, even though I was lost. But then I realized my dad was running after me. It was so terrifying, I woke up.” 

James nodded. “That sounds intense.”

“Well, it’s weird, because in reality, the opposite thing kind of happened to me. My parents abandoned me for liking a girl, I didn’t run away from them, and I didn’t feel free when they left.”

“If it would help, maybe you could tell me what it was like, when they left you. I can take it. Maybe it would make you feel better,” James said, touching Maggie on the arm lightly.

“It was like--- having an egg cracked on your head, or ice cubes down your back. Like a chill from head to toe.” Maggie took a breath and shuddered. “And it was like sound had been vacuumed up. I fell to my knees, I know it sounds stupid, it looked stupid too. There was a look on my dad’s face, this revulsion, when I did that, and he drove off. And at first I called them on my cell phone, over and over, for a half an hour, pathetic, thinking they would turn back. Staying in one place, hoping they would turn around.”

“That’s not pathetic.”

“My biggest feeling wasn’t anger, or hate, or sadness. I felt just like… The way I thought my life was going, it wasn’t going to go that way anymore. Like the whole way I had thought I would live my life was a lie. I guess I felt like I was mourning. I wouldn’t be able to go to college or have my dad walk me down the aisle… I mean I had to take this shitty job, policing, you know, because I couldn’t really go to college, I lost control of my life…”

“You made the best of a bad situation.”

“Yeah, and the best was shitty. It also felt like I could no longer trust my judgment. My judgment had thought that my parents would accept me and love me no matter what, and I was wrong. I would have to go and question all my memories now, and I lost sort of this confidence in my mind.

“And all the sudden I thought about suicide, not because I was sad, just as like, a practical thing. Like it was just a thought that popped up constantly after that, you know, for years, not because I was sad, but it was, like, a puzzle… Like, how long do I have to live this horrible life before I give up on it? When do I know that it’s not going to get better? It felt like this burden to bear, having to constantly make the decision of whether to keep living.”

“I’m glad you made the choice to stay with us,” James patted Maggie’s shoulder awkwardly. 

Maggie stared at the crows in the distance, not able to look at James. “That night I walked three miles to a local college to sleep at. That was reasonably comfortable, but it was hard to go to high school from it. I did that a little bit, and slept at my aunt’s place a little bit. My aunt’s place was… less comfortable. She felt resentful for me being there, I felt I was walking on eggshells, like I shouldn’t leave the guest room, and she kept pressuring me to talk to my parents. By the summer I was living at the college full time, in the student center. Eventually I saved up enough to afford a shitty car and car insurance and I slept in that. And I had a couple of relationships with older women that got me a real bed and paid some bills some of the time.”

Maggie noticed that she was breathing quickly, her head down, her eyes stinging.

“Oh Sawyer,” James pulled Maggie into a tight hug. “I’m sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved to feel safe. You deserve to feel secure.”

Maggie felt a vibration on her thigh. James sighed, “How is there still cell phone service over here? It’s supposed to be the wilderness!”

Maggie shook her head. “I think I should take this. Heya--- Lena, what’s wrong?”

\--

“You’re like, obsessed with me,” Lena’s laptop blared. Half of it warmed Lena’s leg, half of warmed Kara’s. Lena swallowed. Kara’s thigh was touching hers, making it hard to focus on anything else. Every time Kara’s arm brushed hers, Lena’s chest hurt with a confused mix of happiness to be so close, painful longing for more, and embarrassment at being such a creep.

The rambling in her head was cut off by the feel of Kara’s ragged breathing. Lena turned and noticed Kara’s silent tears, Kara’s cheeks rashy with weeping. She wrapped Kara up in a desperate hug. “Kara, shhh, sweetheart, you know nothing Mon-El was saying was true, right?” Kara’s sobs became loud. “He was just trying to manipulate you. I know it hurts, but none of it was true, I promise.”

“I- do- have- a - hero- complex,” Kara gasped through the tears. “I’m arrogant.”

“No babe, you are a hero, that’s different.” Lena grabbed a tissue box from her nightstand and softly wiped Kara’s face. “You’re so humble, you are so generous. If I was as extraordinary as you, I’d have a big head.”

“You are as extraordinary, you are more extraordinary.” Lena allowed herself to look at Kara’s eyes, and saw that the black of her pupils had taken over the blue. Lena looked away. “How do you not know that, Lena? I’m never going to stop telling you that, every day if I have to. You’re amazing.”  Kara brought Lena’s hand to her lips to kiss. 

“I’m not more--- darling---” Lena started to cry. “Kara, it hurts me. You know, it hurts me how you say people are better than you. You’re so smart, so beautiful, so strong, so generous, so-- everything-- Kara, how could you tell me that I’m better than you? How could you tell  _ Mon-El  _ that he’s better than you?”

“Lena, you don’t understand, Mon-El was right, I didn’t make time for him,” Kara whispered. “I don’t make time for the people I’m supposed to love.”

“You make time for me,” Lena whispered. “You’re everything to me.” 

Kara looked into Lena’s green eyes, touched Lena’s beautiful cheekbones. Glanced down at Lena’s full lips. Suddenly, before she knew what she was doing, she was kissing Lena. 

Before Lena could kiss her back, Kara had pulled away,  standing up, shaking and shivering, hands cupping her face. “I’m so sorry Lena, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know why I did that. I’m so sorry. I always ruin everything.”

“Kara, wait--” Lena tried to grab Kara’s hand, but too late. A “whoosh” sound told her that Kara had opened Lena’s window and flown out.

In a daze, Lena caught her breath. Then she dialed Maggie’s number. “--Kara kissed me.”

**

Junior’s eyes widened as she saw Kara knocking on Alex’s apartment window. She couldn’t quite get used to the flying thing. She took in the view of Kara’s oxfords standing on the blue sky.

Odd— Kara usually remembered to wear her Supergirl suit. Junior traced her eyes up Kara’s wrinkled Khakis to her blotchy red face. Junior averted her eyes, realizing, and opened Alex’s latch.

“Sorry- you- have- to- see- me- like- this- again,” Kara gasped between sobs. She covered her face.

“It’s ok, it happens,” Junior said, looking at the ground. “I’ll grab you some tissues.”

“What’s wrong, Junior?” Alex asked as she passed Junior. Then she saw Kara.

Alex gathered Kara into her arms, placing her hand to support Kara’s head as Kara wept into Alex’s shoulder. Alex whisked Kara’s hair, falling out of her ponytail, behind her ear, and kissed Kara’s forehead. She whispered softly, dangerously, “What did Mon-El do?”

Kara shook her head. She mumbled “He was horrible, but that’s not what I’m crying about.”

Junior came back with the box of tissues. Alex nodded at her to put the tissues down next to them. Junior grabbed a book off the shelf and sat down on the floor underneath them, ready to be useful. Alex took a tissue and batted Kara’s face gently. “Then what are you crying about?”

Kara began to cry harder. After a couple minutes, when she found a breath, she said, “I messed up big, Alex. Really messed up. I think I lost my best friend.”

“Shhh, Kara,” Alex said, brushing Kara’s hair with her fingers. “Whatever you did, I think Lena will understand. You just broke up with your shitty boyfriend. She knows you love her. Sometimes people do dumb things when they’re stressed. You’ve always forgiven me when I’m an asshole after work.”

Kara shook her head hard. “It’s not like that at all, Alex. It’s really bad.”

“Come on, I’m sure that’s not true. Just tell me what happened already.”

Kara took in a breath and looked away, not wanting to see Alex’s reaction. “I kissed Lena.”

Junior looked up from her book, eyes wide, face flushed.

Alex peered at Kara’s bowed head, at Junior’s flushed face. She felt adrenaline coursing through her arms and took a deep breath. It was a familiar, comforting feeling for her as a DEO agent, though this wasn’t the typical situation for it. She carefully rearranged Kara so that Kara’s legs were over hers, and so that she could put her arm around Kara while looking at her. “It will all be okay,” she murmured. “I’m here to make a plan with you. So breathe. No panicking allowed.”

“You do make good plans,” Kara rasped.

“I make  _ great  _ plans. That’s why they pay me the big bucks.”

“So you’re not mad at me?” Kara pressed her face into Alex’s shoulder.

“Why would I be mad at you, idiot?” Alex said, running her fingers through Kara’s hair.

“For… appropriating gayness?”

“No… that’s not how any of this works.” Kara sighed in relief and leaned in closer to Alex. “But yes, I think the first step to figuring this out is… Why’d you do it? In situations like this, I like to close my eyes and breathe and just feel it.”

“That makes sense. “ Kara sat up, closed her eyes and put her palms open on her legs. Alex had always been jealous of her sitting posture which was perfectly straight, even in this awkward sitting position, even in her current emotional state.  

Kara’s eyes opened wide. “I kissed her because I wanted to.”

“Ok, that’s something, but why did you want to?” Alex examined Kara. Maggie always winked and nudged about Kara’s fumbling and flirty relationship with a certain type of powerful femme: Cat Grant, Lena Luthor, a Saturnonian rights lawyer they met at the bar who Kara could barely look at without sweating. But Alex was never fully convinced of Kara’s bisexuality like Maggie was. If Kara was bi, wouldn’t Alex have noticed signs of it earlier?

“I don’t know. I was full of so many  _ feelings _ . And she was being so nice to me. Her lips looked good?”

Junior was no longer even pretending to read her book.

“What kind of feelings?” Alex prodded. “Sad feelings about Mon-El?”

“No… this sort of overwhelming feeling. A lot of love for her, you know? She’s my best friend. I think… I think I got confused for a minute.”

Alex bit her lip. “And how did it feel when you kissed?”

“Just--- shame. And panic.”

“Did it feel good at all?”

“No. Just that… shame and panic.”

Alex twisted her mouth. She felt that. She shifted gears. “How did her lips feel?”

The corners of Kara’s mouth lifted. “Soft.”

Alex placed her hand on Kara’s and laced their fingers together. “Kara, it sounds like you kissed Lena because you think she’s pretty and you like her. And there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Junior shifted uncomfortably. She felt hot all the sudden and her skin felt rashy, like having sand in her swimsuit. Something was building up in her chest and she had to get up  _ now.  _ She went to grab some water, as Kara exclaimed, “No, Alex, Lena’s my best friend. You just don’t understand female friendship! It all just looks gay to you!” 

Junior could barely hear Alex’s quiet, calm reply, “Okay, maybe I’m off-base. Tell me more about how it felt?”

As she walked back, Junior realized she very much didn’t want to sit back down. She asked, “Need anything?”

Without looking away from Kara, Alex said, “Thanks Junior. Could you grab a fuzzy blanket from our bedroom?” Junior nodded, grateful for the task. 

Still, as she pressed on the door, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was intruding. As welcoming as Alex and Sawyer were, they also had been intensely private. The door was heavy and thick with a serious lock on it. The reasonable part of her knew that it was probably just because of Alex and Maggie’s dangerous jobs. But there was this small, strong feeling within her that felt like the lock was for her too. That there was a reserved quality that Sawyer saved just for her. 

Junior’s mom often called her paranoid. Said she wasn’t a good judge of people. Her mom was probably right. Alex had invited her in. And ever since she Junior arrived in this city--- this universe, Junior corrected herself--- Alex had been nothing but open and friendly.

Junior had seen how Alex acted to everyone else-- even Winn!--- and had seen how the DEO members flinched around her. Junior knew she should feel special to have somehow earned Alex’s approval. But instead she just felt confused. And nervous. And sweaty.

Junior gave a strong push on the door. She furrowed her brow as she saw the full-size single bed taking up most of the modest room. She had expected two beds. She supposed that there wasn’t really enough room for that and that maybe it helped them to sleep. She slept better when she was in the same bed as other people. 

Still… Were they too poor to afford a bigger place? Was she burdening them? Was that why Sawyer was so tense around her? Oh… that was it. Junior was eating them out of house and home.

Junior closed her eyes. She was going to have to start earning her keep around here. She had been being lazy, letting the two cook for her and do her dishes. It was the kind of thing her parents criticized her for at home. For being self-centered and inconsiderate and not doing enough. Maybe she could start doing all the chores. Or get a babysitting gig and contribute. It sucked being eleven. It was really hard to earn any money. Or to do anything she really wanted to do.

Speaking of-- Junior had came into this room to do something for Alex and she was taking forever. Angry at herself, she yanked the large fleece comforter off the bed. As she did that, she saw something green fall from the bed. Groaning to herself, she crouched down to pick it up. 

Junior gasped. A chill ran down her spine. Under the bed was Junior’s stuffed turtle, Slowpoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to publish the next chapter by around Sunday of next week. Maybe earlier! :)
> 
> Thank you for your lovely comments! They make my day! <3
> 
> Also real question-- should I change the name of this fic to "And we should be who we are" or something? I feel like that's better.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very plot! Junior faces a decision: who should she trust?  
> Content warning for Mon-El. Gross.   
> Supercorp.

Junior inspected the DEO's spare beat-up iPhone on the pull-out guest couch-bed as Alex and Kara continued to talk. She had certainly never seen a phone like this. This universe's technology wasn't just different, it was undeniably more advanced. Almost as if she were in the future.

She typed in Wikipedia into the search bar. She sighed in relief to see that it existed, more or less the same, in this universe. She searched for “George Bush,” and began sorting through the timeline on this planet. She met with the first historical difference between their worlds--- no President Dubya in Detective Sawyer's universe. Still she wrote down the date of Bush Sr.'s presidency. Though the truth about their different universes was immediately apparent, Junior, goosebumps running down her neck, continued to search, even as the sun went down and Kara and Alex left for their respective night shifts, until she was in a dark room alone, just the bright blue of the phone screen lighting her face. She continued even as Sawyer came home, turned on the light, and opened up her computer.

She continued until she couldn't anymore. Until her eyes stopped being able to focus, her thoughts stopped being able to focus, her feelings stopped being able to focus. She forgot why she cared to begin with. She stared at the wall in a daze.

“You ok, Junior?” Maggie asked. She hoped she didn’t recognize Junior’s look.

Junior said nothing. Maggie sighed. She left the room, came back with two capsules and a glass of water. “Take these.” She sat down next to Junior and put an arm gingerly on Junior’s back.

Junior was pleasantly surprised at the water, which Maggie had flavored with lime juice. She supposed of course Maggie would know she didn’t like plain water. She was not so pleasantly surprised with the capsules, which smelled like a mixture of skunk and pine.

“It’s an acquired taste. I guess I’ve acquired it,” muttered Maggie. Junior nodded.

The capsules took quick effect. Junior’s shoulders went down, her breathing came easier. Her voice came back, a little. She croaked, “Why did you lie to me?”

Maggie pulled back and scrutinized Junior. Junior sat straight-backed, hands in her lap, not making eye contact. Maggie grimaced. “Ok. You figured it out. I didn’t want to create too many changes to your universe. You knowing the future could affect that. I wasn’t doing it to hurt you.”

Now it was Junior’s turn to scrutinize Maggie. Maggie stared back at her blankly. Junior shifted away from Maggie and crossed her arms around her chest. “Ok. If that’s true, what’s going to happen now that I know?”

“I don’t know.” They were silent together for a few minutes. An uncomfortable, stiff silence.

“Did Alex know?” Junior asked. Maggie nodded. “Did Winn know?” Maggie nodded. “Is there anything else you’re keeping from me? For the safety of the universe?” she said bitterly.

Maggie looked directly at Junior and nodded.

“I want to go home,” Junior said, voice breaking.

“I’m sorry, Junior,” Maggie said, voice breaking identically. How had Junior not noticed they were the same person? How was she such an idiot? “Maybe… Maybe we could do something, one on one, right now? We could go to a play—you like plays—or we could go hiking? We could get to know each other?”

“Maybe later. Not right now,” Junior didn’t miss Maggie’s subtle sigh of relief. “Why don’t you like me?” she whispered.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Why don’t I--?”

“Nothing. I’m going for a walk.”

“Ok, take the spare phone just in case,” Maggie said, standing up from the couch, not making eye contact. 

Junior grabbed the phone, walked a couple of blocks, began to run--- and bumped straight into Mon-El. “What are you doing here?” Junior glowered as she bounced off of Mon-El’s rock-solid body.

“I might not be an expert in Earth’s customs, but I am certain that that is not a polite greeting.” 

Junior’s glower somehow became deeper. “It’s not a polite greeting. I don’t want to be polite to you.”

Mon-El scrutinized her. “You know, I didn’t like you, right from the start.”

“Me neither,” Junior crossed her arms and tried her best to intimidate the muscular man over two feet taller than her.

“But now I’m starting to like the idea of someone who’s honest all the time. These girls--- and Winn--- are not honest people. It’s not fair how they treated me. And it’s not fair how they are lying to you.” 

Junior looked down at her _Payless_ knock-off Nikes. “They said if they told me the truth, it would break the universe.”

“And you believed that?” Mon-El shook his head. “See, your problem is that you’re not a good reader of people. You trusted them, but they are liars. We’re alike, you and me, that way. Both smart, honest people who are easily fooled by them.” 

Junior tilted her head. She  _ was  _ a smart, honest person. Mon-El was starting to grow on her. 

“So do you know everything?” Mon-El asked. “Did you figure it all out?”

Junior considered lying, if only because she wanted to prove that she was as smart as Mon-El had insinuated. But no. Her feeling of confusion was too much of a weight on her mind for her to lie about it. “No. I did find out though that Maggie is actually future me, not my cousin.”

Mon-El nodded. “Do you want me to tell you everything?”

“Well… You said that it won’t break the universe? How do you know?” Junior dug her hands in her pockets. Junior was starting to feel chilly in just her hoodie. 

“Good question, Maggie.” It had been awhile since Junior had heard her own name in reference to herself and it came as a little of a shock. It felt.. Familiar. Homey. It was alarming to her how readily she had let her ‘cousin’ take it from her. 

Mon-El continued with a smile, “The reason that you were pulled into this universe is that Detective Sawyer fell into disfavor with a fifth-dimensional alien. In Daxam, the planet in which I am prince, we had many experiences with both this species of alien and other fifth-dimensional aliens. We experimented with the fifth-dimension and from our experimentation, we were able to create portals into alternative universes. One way that we were more advanced than Krypton. I myself have been to a couple of alternative universes. I met different versions of myself. And we never hid anything from each other. It never caused any issues. I also was there in those DEO meetings. No one ever said that there was any danger to the universe.”

Junior peered at him for a moment. She nodded and leaned toward him. “So there’s no danger because Detective Sawyer and I are not the same person. She is not future me. She just looks like me.”

“Oh, definitely. In one universe I visited, I was,” he shifted uncomfortably, “Nothing but a commoner. In another I was bad at sports. A shock for me, a star hoogof player! No, you should be glad, you’re not the same person.”

“So she was lying to me,” Junior said, face curdling. “Why?”

“Because she’s a lesbian,” Mon-El laughed. “And she’s ashamed of it and wants to keep it a secret from you. And she should be. The whole lot of them are lesbians. Lena and Kara are lesbianing together.” 

“Lesbianing? Like--?” Junior trailed off, looking at Mon-El for a definition, hoping she wouldn’t have to ask.

“They’re fucking,” Mon-El spit out. 

Junior stared at him for a second and then laughed. “No, they’re just best friends."

“No, they’re big fat lesbians. It’s gross.”

“No, Kara said that they were just good friends. She said she didn’t like Lena that way. I heard her say that,” Junior said, thumbs in her belt loops, smiling a little at the absurdity of Mon-El’s assertion.

“Bring me to where Lena and Kara are, and I’ll show you,” Mon-El grinned at her. 

Then it hit Junior like a train. “Wait. You’re lying to me too. You’re just making up crap because you want me to bring you to Kara.”

The smile left Mon-El’s face and he turned red. “You can believe whatever you want to believe. I’m telling the truth. But if you’re too brainwashed to believe me, that’s on you.” 

Junior took a step back and crossed her arms. “I’m not too brainwashed by them. I don’t believe any of you. All of you are a bunch of liars.”

Mon-El rolled his eyes. “Sure. You’re not brainwashed. Whatever. I thought you were smarter than this. I guess I overestimated you.”

Junior’s face burned as the words stuck in her brain like hair in syrup. Still she shook her head. “I’m not bringing you to Kara. So you’re wasting your time.”

“Fine, kid. Fine. Have fun being the lesbians’ bitch,” Mon-El scowled. He took a pen and a pizza stamp card out of his pocket. “But if you ever want to learn the truth, here’s my phone number.” He scrawled it, pushed it into Junior’s hand and walked off.

Junior watched him go. After he turned the corner, she put the card in her pocket and headed to the Marriott Courtyard Hotel in northeast National City. 

Junior had gone to the Marriott Courtyard Hotel out of habit before, because as a hungry light-skinned kid left on her own, she had discovered at an early age that the hotel chain had lax security, a large free breakfast spread, and complimentary apples throughout the day. And she also knew that in order to not make anyone suspicious, it helped to not just hang out in the lobby. So she knew that on the 11th floor window by the elevators, there was a certain balcony she could see very well. 

And, well, it wasn’t like she believed Mon-El, but… She took a seat by the window, chomping on her apple, watching the L-Corp balcony, using the phone camera as binoculars. She just needed to be sure. And only here could she watch how her--- friends? Caretakers?--- acted apart from her. Was any of it true? Did Lena even work at L-Corp? Looking out at L-Corp balcony, Junior already could see the answer to that question. Hopefully, further observation would reveal even more answers.

From where she sat, Junior could just make out Lena, unmistakable with her coiffed bun and tight pencil skirt. Lena sat on the cool steel ground of the balcony, legs freely hanging down in the air. Notebook in her lap, once in awhile she would make a note to herself, ideas she had or chores to do, or check her phone, replying to emails. 

But mostly Lena stared at the skyline, hoping against hope that she would see Kara. She had sat out there on her balcony as the skyline had turned from periwinkle to cobalt to black tinged with the yellow light pollution. Lena couldn’t stop glancing up every time satellites blinked red or planes made lines in the air. The air got colder, the sky started drizzling, and goosebumps appeared on Lena’s stocking-clad legs. Still, she waited.

Finally she saw a figure slowly fly toward her from up, far, far above her. “Kara,” Lena murmured softly, firmly, knowing Kara would be able to hear her.

Kara thudded down, parallel to Lena, sitting on sky. Kara pressed her knees to Lena’s. In the wind, Kara’s hair flew toward Lena in wisps like dandelion fluff. Her legs floated in the air. Rain drizzled down their knees. Lena felt the warmth of Kara’s skin deep inside her bones and it was so lovely it almost hurt. Kara’s legs bulged in a strong muscle above her knee. Her legs were covered in soft blonde hair, hard-to-see but catching in the peach light of the lamp above them. Lena’s heart felt bruised in her chest.

She didn’t want to look up-- she looked up anyway-- she saw Kara’s eyelashes catch the raindrops, so beautiful she could cry and think that’s all she needed in her life, just to look at Kara’s eyelashes and maybe how her neck looked in the light. Then Lena noticed that Kara’s eyes looked red and puffy, that it wasn’t just raindrops on her eyelashes. 

Lena swallowed. She took a quick breath and suddenly grabbed Kara’s hand. Kara’s hand felt sleek and bony and powerful. And it was shaking, it wouldn’t stop shaking. 

“Kara, I love you,” Lena said, the words rushing out of her. “I know you just broke up with Mon-El. I don’t want to do anything that makes you unhappy, ever, and I’m happy just being with you. I love being with you no matter what you want to do… I don’t care if that makes me sound pathetic, I don’t care, I just love being with you Kara. I want you to know that I loved that kiss, and you shouldn’t feel weird about it, but also I don’t need you to kiss me. You’re always enough for me, being with you is always perfect to me. Ok? I just need you to be part of my life. Whatever that looks like for you.” She looked down and sobbed. “God, I’m pathetic.”

Kara’s voice was stern. “You’re not pathetic.” And her kiss was hard. And short. Over before Lena could breathe. “Being with you isn’t enough for me.” Kara brushed her hand through Lena’s hair, grabbed it. “It hurts how much I want you. It scares me.”

Lena’s mouth formed the ghost of a smirk. “Let me help take the pain away?”

“No. I need to figure it out,” Kara looked away. “I hate twisting and turning you like this, not being clear with you. I see how it hurts you. I want you to know, I want you in my life.” Kara’s eyes searched Lena’s. They burned. “But the way I feel… I’m not used to it. I need time… I need to think. And I need to understand what went wrong with Mon-El, before....”

“Before?” Lena’s voice was thick with hope.

“Before I don’t know. Before no promises. Before…” Kara looked down at Lena’s lips, biting her own. “But I love you. You know that. I will always love you. And I’m sorry. If I ever put Mon-El first. I promise to always put you first. No matter what happens.”

“That’s a crazy promise Kara--”

Kara was too busy staring into Lena’s eyes and preparing to correct her to notice a small fast heartbeat on the street below them. Junior, running to catch the next bus out of the city. Dropping Mon-El’s card on the street, boarding the bus, burying her head in her hands, and crying as the other passengers looked away and L-Corp’s skyscraper became smaller and smaller until finally it disappeared. Until finally, one by one, the outlets on the bus disappeared and the passengers were replaced and the bus turned an ugly shade of green, and Junior walked off the bus in 2006 downtown Blue Springs, Nebraska.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for your lovely comments and support :)! This chapter is, ah, fresh from the oven, so hopefully it doesn't read as insufficiently edited! The next few chapters are mostly finished so you'll have a new chapter within the week.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woosh, this is an intense chapter. And long! I read your comments, y'all wanted vengeance against Mon-El. So that happens! Junior is more grown and angry! Bear with her, she's still cute, I promise. (Older) Maggie realizes something about herself and leaves for a solo mission.

“This is where the phone signal straight-up disappeared,” said Winn, making his second loop around the same 7 blocks in northeast downtown National City. “What am I missing?”

“I don’t know,” Kara said behind him, looking guiltily up at L-Corp. It couldn’t have anything to do with--- no--- could it?

Winn stopped and looked at his phone again, where he had put the data. “What am I missing, what am I missing? Oh, hey. Maybe this is it?” Kara looked back at him anxiously. “It looks like the GPS data shows the phone was moving way faster starting right over--- there!” He ran, panting, as Supergirl kept up with him easily. “Ok! This is something. This is a bus stop. She got on a bus. So she was probably not kidnapped. Junior goes on buses all the time.”

Kara stopped suddenly. “Hey, Winn? You may want to look at this,” pointing to a dirty card on the ground.

“Oh, a pizza stamp card! It’s already got 4 stamps on it. Nice catch!”

“No, on the back---”

Winn looked. Glared. Crumpled it in his fist. “Mon-El.”

 ***

“Where did you take her?” Winn barged into Mon-El’s apartment.

“Not even a hello, Schott? You’ve been hanging out too long with Junior,” Mon-El looked up at Winn from his leather armchair, remote in hand.

“I’m not kidding around.”

“I don’t have Kara, Winn. I haven’t been able to find her,” Mon-El scowled. “What, is she missing?” he added hopefully.

“Fuck you. And no, I’m talking about Junior.”

“Oh…” Mon-El turned away and went back to watching _Game of Thrones._ “I don’t know anything about that.”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I found your pizza stamp card right where Junior was last seen. Before she disappeared without a trace.”

“Without a trace, huh?” Mon-El smirked. “Well I could have some ideas. If you just do one thing to help me out: All I want is to see Kara again. I miss her. It hurts so bad. I really love her. If I could just talk to her, I could let her know how sorry I am. I know some things I did were bad now, I really do. I just want to apologize and make it right. I know it sounds desperate, but I’m just a guy in love.”

Without hesitation, Winn responded, “No. Your apology is bullshit. You’re never seeing Kara again.”

“Come on, I thought we were friends.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Well fuck you, then. I’m not telling you anything.”

“Wrong choice,” Winn said, punching Mon-El in the face. “Not bad for an egghead, huh?”

“Fuck! Why does that hurt?”

“Take a guess,” Winn punched Mon-El’s nose. “What do you think?” he hit Mon-El in the stomach. “Figure it out yet?” he grabbed Mon-El by the neck and pushed him against the wall. “Okay, I’ll spell it out for you, asshole. It’s kryptonite knuckles. It’s messing with your reaction time. You’re powerless.”

“Okay, okay, jeez, I’ll tell you where Junior is. You could have just said please.” Winn loosened his grip. Mon-El brushed his hair out of his eyes. “If she disappeared without a trace, she’s probably back in her universe. You’ll never see her again.”

“You’re lying,” said Winn, tears coming to his eyes, applying pressure to Mon-El’s neck.

“Okay-- maybe a little,” Mon-El croaked, “Maybe she’ll come back. But Junior’s back in her universe now.”

“How’d you get her there?”

“I didn’t!”

“We found your card, remember?”

Mon-El shrugged. “I just told her the truth. All of the truth. Because I’m a good friend. And then, it looks like, she chose to leave.”

“You told her!? She left!? You put her in danger! You--- you monster!”

“Who’s the monster? You’re the one who deceived your friend. I just told her the truth. It’s what she wanted. She was very upset that you lied to her. And now-- you’re choking a defenseless person.”

Winn let Mon-El go, then punched him in the stomach so hard Mon-El doubled over. “Leave this city. Because next time I see you, you won’t get to walk away.”

Winn strode out of Mon-El’s apartment. As soon as he closed Mon-El’s door, he curled into himself and silently sobbed.

Alex stomped up, stopped. “Winn? What are you doing here?” She noticed Winn’s tears. “What did he do to you?” She clenched her fists and opened the door to Mon-El’s apartment. Closed it. “What did you do to him?”

Glee sprouted on her face. She squealed and hugged Winn, “I’ve never been prouder!”

A ghost of a smile. “I learned from the best.”

***

“So no more Junior?” Maggie asked.

“No more Junior,” Alex confirmed.

Maggie started to sob. At no time during the two hours that Alex consoled her could Alex figure out whether the tears were of relief or grief. That night, Alex again woke up to Maggie’s sweaty, shuddering body. The nightmares continued. Three sleepless, sleepy weeks passed quickly by.

***

From her police car, coffee in hand, Maggie watched brown teenagers. The whole area was brown, around here. This was where the precinct wanted her. They said this was where crime was. Nothing to do with race, of course. No one was investigating the alien fighting rings uptown, of course, organized by the rich, or the rampant insider trading, or the wage theft by managers at the mall that Maggie knew easily tripled the robberies of the city, but… arguing hadn’t gotten her promoted to detective, “yes sir” had. And arrests made for promotions.

Oh, this looked like a good lead for an arrest. Maggie saw a silhouette of a lone teenager in a hoodie, hands in pockets, no bag, exit the CVS opposite the street as her. It was 11 at night on a Tuesday. The teen looked too used to being out at this time: comfortable but very aware. Possibly a runaway. She looked subtly but surely in all directions. She took a protein bar out of her pocket as soon as she was out of the range of the CVS. So probably stolen. Maggie quickened her pace to keep up with the teen on the opposite side of the street. That's all it took. The girl saw her, saw her badge, walked quickly to the corner, then ran. And Maggie ran too.

“Kid, why are you running from a police officer? What are you doing out alone this late?” Maggie huffed as she caught up with the teen.

The teen turned around, and in the orange street light, Maggie gasped to see her own frizzy hair fall out of a ponytail, her own dark eyebrows furrow, her own lips sneer. “Maggie? Jesus, could you be any more of a hypocrite?”

“Junior? Dammit.”

“Hey I’m just as surprised as you. I fell asleep on a bus and this was the last stop.” Junior now had taken the bar back out of her pocket and was unabashedly eating it.

“You’re- where are you living now? It's been a few years, huh?”

“Our aunt’s.”

“So- that all- just happened?” Maggie said, not making eye contact. “I was worried it would happen earlier… Because you came here.”

“Yeah…” Junior toed the ground, bleary-eyed. “What are you doing, trying to arrest street kids? And in, uh, this neighborhood?” she took the badge off of Maggie’s chest, watched Maggie flinch, examined the badge. Licked it. “Have you forgotten about me?” She threw it like a Frisbee. “Forgotten where you came from?”

“Of course not,” Maggie mumbled. “Why do you have to be such a douche anyway? You're old enough to know better. I’m not going to baby you like last time.” Maggie looked around for the badge. “It's fucking dark out.”

“I said, why were you literally going to arrest yourself?”

Maggie squatted and picked up her badge. “What kind of question is that? It’s my job.”

“It’s your job to arrest brown kids, huh?”

“I can't decide on the demographic of all my arrests. I have to make a certain amount of arrests to keep my job. And go to certain places. If I wasn't doing it, someone else would be. Someone probably worse.” Junior didn’t respond. Maggie’s words rang in the silent alleyway. Her ears blushed red at her stupid words. “Look, you steal, I make arrests. Neither of it is ethical. We’re both trying to survive.”

“it's different.” Junior stared Maggie down. “I'm taking a few bucks from multi-billion corporations. You’re ruining kids’ lives. And you have other choices.”

“No I don’t. This is my best option.” Maggie said, too forcefully. Her voice echoed.

“What do you mean by that?” Junior murmured.

“Nothing.” Maggie looked away.

“I said, what did you mean by that?” Junior’s knuckles became pale as she clenched her fists.

“I-” Maggie flushed and looked down at her feet. “I couldn't afford to go to college.” Junior blanched. “But that doesn't mean you can’t, Junior.”

“I’m literally you.”

“No, you're from a different universe. There are differences between our worlds. You can make different choices, better choices.”

“I will. College or not, I’m not going to become a pig,” Junior sneered. “And you have other choices too you know. Take some responsibility for your actions.

Maggie took a deep breath. “OK, I’ll think about that. Now please, come with me to the DEO. I want you to get checked out by our doctors, make sure that time travel hasn’t affected you, make sure that you’re not sick or anything.”

“I’m not going with you.” Junior set her jaw, put her fingers through her belt loops and stood up straight.

Maggie stared at her young self’s bravado in the face of authority. It hadn’t yet been beaten out of her. When would that happen? Maggie felt a croak in her throat. “Junior, please be reasonable.”

“I’d rather risk the dangers and find somewhere out here to sleep than go with the person who just tried to arrest me.”

“Junior, please.”

“No, I’m telling you no.” Junior shifted. “And anyway, I know you don't want me. I can see it in your eyes. I knew it when I was 11, I know it now. You don't like me.”

“I- it’s not that I don't like you.” Maggie ran her hand down her hair. “It just makes me sad to remember those times. You can understand that now more, right? You know now what I was trying to protect you from?” She looked into Junior’s eyes. They looked… tough, tired, but young. Worse was yet to come for her. Maggie covered her face in her hands. “Look, if you don't want to come with me, how about I call Winn? He can walk you to the DEO and you could stay at his place.”

“Winn?” A happy fleeting smile on Junior’s face. “No, he’s probably asleep.”

“More like probably playing video games.”

“Do you think he has grand theft auto?” Junior said excitedly.

“Probably.”

“What, not going to try to tell me no, try to mother me like you did before?”

Maggie shrugged. “What’s the point? You’re basically grown.” Junior looked away. “I’m calling Winn.”

**

“Where have you been?” Alex shrieked at her on the phone. Maggie had picked it up in a deadened reflex. The cell phone balanced on her sweaty face. Her clothes felt damp almost, sticking to her. The police precinct office closet was black, no light coming in from any windows, which Maggie found soothing. It almost was enough to make her feel like she should sleep there again sometime, except her back, which hurt like a motherfucker after a night on the linoleum.

“Babe,” Maggie rasped. She looked at the time. 5 am.

“Are you okay?” Alex’s voice had turned quiet, afraid. Maggie wanted to say yes. She really did. She froze. Was she okay? Was she okay? Her body felt tense and stiff, from her toes to her lips. Her mind was quiet. A strange peace. “Maggie,” Alex whispered.

“Not kidnapped. Not hurt,” Maggie coughed out.  

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you home? Are you okay?” Alex’s voice got higher and higher pitched.

Maggie couldn’t say anything. Fuck, why couldn’t she say anything? She felt herself getting more and more inside herself. In her head, she could hear herself talking. But nothing could come out.

“I’m waking up Kara. I need to…”

“No---”

Adrenaline shot into Maggie’s arms as Alex hung up. She sat up. She needed to get out, she needed to--- She jogged out of the police station and put her arms around her Triumph. She needed to get to Junior. She needed to warn her--- or she needed to apologize to her--- or she needed to get closer to her--- Maggie didn’t know. She hated Junior. She missed-- it hurt--- Maggie called Winn as she drove over to his house, balancing the cell phone between her shoulder and face as she waited at the red light.

“Morning,” Winn sounded tired, but not like Maggie had woken him up.

“How is she?”

Winn swallowed. “She left early this morning. She left a note. She ran away.”

Maggie drummed her fingers on her handlebars. Now where would she go? “Why would she do that?”

“She wrote that she knows if she gets sufficiently far from you, she goes back to her time. And she didn’t want to stick around.”

“Why would she rather go back there? What happened, Winn? I thought you were just playing video games!”

“What happened?” Winn sputtered. “You think it’s something I did? Look at yourself, Maggie! You can barely look at Junior. I saw it when I picked her up. Whenever she went near you, you flinched.”

“That’s not-- I’ve been nothing but welcoming! I’ve done all I could.”

“You’ve done a lot, but you still drove her away.” Winn let out a frustrated, tired sigh. “If you’re too ashamed of who you are to look at your kid self in the eye, isn’t that like, a classic sign that you need to change yourself?”

“I’m not ashamed!”

“Then what is it, Maggie? Are you angry at her? Do you think it’s Junior’s fault that all that shit happened to her, all that shit is going to happen to her?” Winn paused. Maggie was silent. “What? That’s what you think?”

“Look, all I’m saying is, if she wasn’t so honest all the time---”

“Junior has a right to be herself! You have a right to be yourself! Without fear!”

“What does that even mean? ‘Be yourself,’” Maggie scoffed. “I’m still myself.”

“Well, it means you have a right to be out as gay to your parents, for one thing. Maggie, your parents didn’t throw you out because you weren’t private enough---”

Maggie swallowed, and silent tears came down her cheeks, as Winn continued, “---They did it because of who they are. I like Junior, a lot, as a person, and I feel like I didn’t have the chance to like you like that--- and that’s okay, to not let me in, that’s okay if you don’t really want to be close, but I feel like you don’t let a lot of people in. You said earlier to me, at game night, that Junior isn’t going to get an older, sort of parental figure--- but I’ve seen the way Todd and J’onn speak to you, and if you’d let them, I think they’d be that for you. And I just want you to know that you could be yourself. That people would like you, that you’re really likeable, and you’ve always been.”

To Maggie’s embarrassment, her stifled sobs became more audible. “Aw, shit,” Winn said. “I’m sorry, I’m pretty sleep-deprived, I didn’t mean to get so intense, are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Maggie tried to chuckle. “Don’t worry, I won’t let Alex kill you with her index finger. I gotta go.” She hung up before Winn could respond and turned her cell phone off before he could call her back.

For a second Maggie wished she could be like Kara, fly away and escape at any time. Then she realized she might not have powers, but she had the next best thing. She made a U-ey and made her way away from the city.

She rode for hours, fists clenched white on the handlebars. She rode until there were no buildings to block the view of the big blue sky, and then she kept on riding. In her head fumbled dreamy images of Junior, her parents, her hometown, but on her shoulders was the heat of the sun and between her legs the rocking of the bumps of the road.

She reached a marsh and something about it felt familiar. She stopped the bike--- there were no cars for miles, she could see that, everything was as flat as Nebraska--- and parked it in the grass on the side of the road. As she got off her bike, she enjoyed the pliant feel of the wet dirt underneath her feet and the breeze that made the cat-tails sigh around her.

Maggie stepped onto a planked path overlooking the marsh. For a lazy moment, she watched two dragonflies make love, watched as their shadows became smaller as they flew higher in the air.

With a pull, she made herself think back to her conversation with Winn. Was she really unashamed? Maggie twisted off a thick piece of grass. She pulled it between her two thumbs, cupped her hands, and blew on it. Just as she had taught Mateo so long ago. It screeched, low-pitched then high-pitched, and she remembered marching with Mateo down their street, blowing their grass like trumpets.

No, she was ashamed. It had been years since she had felt that way. Since she was a teenager. It took a teenage Maggie to make her remember it again. How had she ended it the first time?

Oh yeah. Maggie lowered herself into a pushup. Exercise. Having control of her body. Making it stronger. Important then, when she felt no control over her survival, her future, her sexuality. Important now, when she felt no control over space-time, over her memories staying in the past. She made a circuit for herself-- pushups, squats, burpees, and bear planks.

An hour later, the sky was a duller blue, the moon had risen early to join the still-bright sun, and, sweaty, Maggie tried to evaluate whether that had worked. Her head felt lighter. Her steps easier. The worries felt further away. She was glad she had done it. Still, she supposed, she exercised daily anyhow, and while it was tempting to think her anxiety could be solved by just more exercise, that seemed too easy.

She continued walking around the plank path. What else had worked? Climbing up the police ladder had worked. Ambition. Watching her superiors change from condescending to grudgingly respectful to praising and promoting her. But now thinking about it, thinking about what they had praised in her, she felt her stomach roll.

Girls worked. Flirting. Collecting numbers. Dating. She could make a great first impression. She could act like the girlfriend everyone wanted. Confident, considerate, strong, fun. But then, they’d start asking questions. Trying to get to know her. What could she say that wasn’t totally depressing?  

Alex was, yeah, special. But looking out across the green water, watching a heron slowly dip its leg out of the water, then back into the water, Maggie realized that she was still falling into her own patterns. Alex’s smile didn’t soothe her as much now, now that Alex knew things about Maggie’s past, now that the smile was just a little too understanding. She liked when Alex just saw her as the pool-playing, motorcycle-riding, tough cop. She liked seeing women see her that way. But now, as the frogs began to bellow and at last she felt her restless energy fall away, that desire seemed masturbatory.

What else was there? She got back on her motorcycle and rode, still further from National City.

Her feeling of deja vu grew in the pit of her stomach as she rode, as the road got busier. A Folgers billboard. The way that a particular tree leaned. Pete’s Pretty Good Ice Cream shop. A beach and a… a laugh. A lump in Maggie’s throat. She turned into the beach’s parking lot.

She stared at the silver scratched up camry. She glanced around, saw no one in the parking lot, and went up to it. In the windows, she saw the Game Boy in the backseat. The taki crumbs on the floor. The papers and wrappers littering under the passenger’s seat. The familiar stains, she could almost smell them. Maggie took a shuddering breath.

She thought of going back to the comfort of her Triumph. Riding away, maybe back to National City. Maybe back to her time. But that thought scared her almost as much as moving forward. And the laugh… She had to see the source of that laugh.

Maggie walked down the familiar hill of the parking lot. Now she could see the people crowding the beach. The collage of bathing suits. She shook her head. The pounding in her head had almost made her forget how out of place she looked. She took off her police jacket and stuffed it in her backpack, took out a pair of sunglasses. After a moment’s hesitation, she took off her belt and her shirt too, leaving on her black sports bra and dark jeans. That’d have to do. She walked further down the hill.

Desperately she glanced from face to face. But when she found the face she was looking for, she wasn’t prepared. He was still laughing. His scrunched up nose. His mocha skin, his still round stomach. She sank down on the sand. When the butt of her jeans got wet and gritty, she came to herself and took her shemagh out of her backpack, unfolded it into a towel. She leaned on her backpack and continued staring, grateful to her shades.

He was laughing as the water came to his toes. He was playing a game, trying to escape the waves, dancing around with two pals she didn’t recognize, maybe two kids he’d just met. He was good at making friends like that.

Mateo looked around eleven. She had missed him at this age, at every age after she was thrown out. She had never seen him again. Well, face to face. She had seen him around, when she lived in Nebraska, from a far distance. They had waved awkwardly to each other. And she saw him, two years ago,  with a prison window between them, talking on those phones. He was taller, and hairier, and had grown muscles like hers. She could only recognize him in the distance between his eyes, in the curve of his bottom lip. She could recognize him as a detective would, not as a sister.

But here… This was almost as she remembered him. He was just a bit chubbier. Like Junior had been at his age. The first time she’d met Junior. He looked like Junior. He looked like Maggie.

He looked toward her, squinting toward the sun, unsmiling. She heard her heartbeat in her ears. Did he see her staring? Did he recognize her? But no. He looked right passed her. Disappointment settled in her stomach, although she wouldn’t have known what to do or say if he had recognized her.

The sun turned the water bright orange, the sky pink, as Maggie sat there, the cooling air carving goosebumps onto her skin. She watched Mateo squat and dig his fingers into the golden film. A chill went through her as she realized that he was happy. Maybe even happier than he had been before, when she would have been there.

She stood up, put on her shirt, put away her shemagh. And she walked away, keeping her eyes up at the sky. She didn’t want to see who Mateo had come to the beach with. This was enough.  

She got on her Triumph and, with sweaty palms, headed toward Blue Springs.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Junior finally gets some love <3

Supergirl burst into the DEO. Her cheeks were pink and her hair looked wind-blown. “Sir! I was talking to Lena--” she twisted a lock of her hair, “And she had a great idea for how to keep Junior here permanently!”

J’onn looked at her, long and stony. “Another great idea from Lena. Draw up a proposal and leave it on my desk.”

“Yeah, like the proposal I left you a week ago,” muttered Winn under his breath, pretending not to listen from his computer.

Supergirl squinted at J’onn, then straightened and crossed her arms. “What do you mean ‘another great idea from Lena?’”

“I meant nothing of it, Supergirl. You’re off-duty right now. It’s 6 am. Go get some rest. Or to Catco, your human job.” He started to walk away from her.

Supergirl followed him. “No, you meant something by it. You’ve been acting strange ever since that alien broke free from Lena’s cuffs. You said you knew it wasn’t her fault.”

“Not ‘ever since that alien broke free from Lena’s cuffs,’ Supergirl. You mean,  _ever since Maggie was poisoned,”_ J’onn noticed he had clenched his fists and jaw, and consciously unclenched them. “I’m sorry, excuse me. I’m letting my emotions get the best of me. I don’t want to be rude, but I am very busy--”

“No, J’onn, what do you mean?”

“Supergirl. Maggie was poisoned last week. And you’re here, talking about Lena and Junior.”

Winn swiveled to face J’onn. “Sir, I see you’re worried about Maggie, but we’ve all been there for her---”

“Are you? Because I’ve been hearing you talk and talk about Junior, but what about the woman you’ve called family? What about Maggie?”

“Junior is Maggie! Also, Maggie is a badass.” Winn gestured wildly. “She wouldn’t want you to talk like this about her. Anyway, yeah, she broke something, but she’s been fine since then. Looks like she dodged a bullet.”

“What do you mean, she’s been fine? She has not been fine. She has been having nightmares every night.”

“You think that’s the poison?”

“Supergirl, you were the great prodigy of Krypton. How have you not realized? Junior is the poison.”

Winn turned white. “What?”

Agent Lazlo walked to the group. “Sorry to interrupt, but we’re getting a call from Agent Danvers. It’s for you.” Head down, he left the room.

For a minute, all they could hear was hysterical sobbing on Alex’s end.

“Agent Danvers? What’s wrong?” J’onn cried out.

Kara didn’t miss how Winn hung his head.

Then, finally, Alex drew a sharp, harsh breath and cried out,  “Why has no one been answering their phone?”

***

Maggie opened her eyes. She was still here, in Nebraska. Sleeping on the couch of the small private college in her hometown. Her hair up in a ponytail to make her look younger. It felt like the first time in forever that she had woken up with no signs of Alex. No warm spot on the bed. No note on the bedside table. There was no reason to stay on the couch.

She didn't even have her Triumph. She had sold it last night. Having it made no sense. She didn't have fake registration papers for it, she didn't have a fake motorcycle license. She had no desire to go to prison. And there was a less practical reason too. She was afraid she would run away, back to her universe. Still, she felt a pang in her chest for the motorcycle that had seen her through five years, three relationships, her promotion to detective, her engagement to Alex.

She got up, starting climbing a familiar staircase. There were large windows and she could see some young women, wearing leggings as pants, chatting with coffee mugs outside on the quad. As she got up to the room at the top of the stairs, she saw a couple of guys playing pool and a large television playing the news, with controllers nearby. And on the far side, she recognized the young teenager sleeping blanketless on the small couch, legs crossed, scarf over her eyes, stuffed backpack under her head.

The campus center smelled the same as it did when she was sixteen: sweat, citrus cleaning product, potato chips, and linoleum. Maggie looked at her young self curiously from a lounge chair. She saw the smaller hips in black jeans too long and cuffed. A pink blouse older-her would never be caught dead in. Maggie remembered digging for those clothes in the trash cans, going from dorm to dorm, after the spring semester ended for the students and they had to move out.

An arm grabbed the scarf off. And Maggie was face to face with herself.

She waited as Junior got up and did her morning routines. Older Maggie trailed after her, at a distance, as Junior went on the bus and scanned her bus card at the just right distance so that the card wasn’t charged. As Junior took the free breakfast and a swim from a hotel. As Junior took a used Starbucks cup out of her backpack and sat in for an hour, reading a comic book and grabbing unfinished food out of the used plates bin. As Junior brought a box of protein bars to the register at the CVS and held up the line pretending to look through her wallet for her card until the person behind her paid for it. As Junior worked a five hour shift at a cafe.

As Junior left the cafe, it started to rain hard. Junior grabbed an umbrella from her backpack, and Maggie reluctantly grabbed her police jacket from her bag. From the corner of her eye, Junior saw the jacket behind her. And bolted.

“Goddammit, Sawyer,” Maggie murmured. After wandering around a bit and locating the bus stop, Maggie finally got back to campus. She took an orphaned hoodie from a chair in the campus library. _Relearning old habits, aren’t we,_ she chastised herself. But she didn’t put it back.

Junior spotted her first, as Maggie was grabbing a bite from the sandwich shop in the campus center. “Hey,” Junior said. Junior looked at Maggie without surprise, without a smile. Maggie waved awkwardly. “So you were the cop I ran from. Waste of calories,” Junior shook her head and shoved Maggie with her shoulder good-naturedly.

Maggie grabbed the police jacket from her purse in answer. “So. It’s been awhile.”

Wordlessly, they decided to walk outside together. “Yeah. Why were you spying on me? You could have just said hello.”

Good question. Maggie took a moment to think about it. “I guess I was just remembering.” She undid her ponytail. “Like a tour of my past or some shit.”

“I hope it was entertaining.” Junior laughed and thought for a second. “Anything seem different from what you remember?”

Maggie looked away. “I guess… I forgot the begging. Like what you did at CVS.”

“That’s not really begging,” Junior shrugged defensively. She looked at Maggie for a moment, face tensing. “It’s better than being a cop, anyway.”

Maggie shook her head. “I’ve actually been thinking about getting out of cop work.”

Junior finally looked Maggie in the eye, smiling. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Maggie said, smiling back at her. “Because of you, actually. I didn’t feel guilty about it for awhile, I felt like it was just another thing I had to do to survive. But now… you’re getting to me.”

A skip in Junior’s step. “What do you think you’ll do now?”

“I don’t know. I’m hoping you might be able to help me figure it out.”

Junior grinned. “I help you, you help me. Do you have any advice from---” she wiggled her fingers, “--the future?”

Maggie looked at her younger self. Blinked. “No. I don’t.”

“What?” Junior slapped Maggie’s arm. _Ow._ Maggie forgot how aggressive she used to be. “You must have something!”

“What do you want from me? You’re doing a good job. You’re surviving. I don’t know.” Maggie shrugged.

“Deal’s off!” Junior sprinted off.

Maggie ran to catch up. “Okay, okay. Geez, you make me exercise. Advice. Be more careful? I don’t believe you’re really going to follow that. Uh… trust men less than you do. Men aren’t trustworthy just because you feel more comfortable with them than with women. They can be pretty creepy. Um, strangers are generally friendly. Smile at them and if they’re not doing anything, chat with them. Mm… if people insult your character, that’s mean, and you should get mad at them. If they just don’t talk to you for some time and it makes you feel sad, they’re not being mean, and you shouldn’t get mad at them, that’s weird. That’s what I got.”

“Huh, ok… That wasn’t the usual inspirational crap.”

“Of course it wasn’t,” Maggie said, shoving Junior affectionately with her shoulder.

“So what do we do now? You’re not going in like, a puff of smoke after your sage advice…”

“Fucked if I know.”

“Want to make out?” Junior grabbed Maggie’s arm and wiggled her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Maggie broke her arm off, chuckling. “Dude, you’re sixteen. Even if it’s me, that’s weird.”

Junior spread her arms and jogged to keep up. “Hey! I’m older than my age.”

“Shut the fuck up. That’s exactly the kind of crap that’s going to make people try to take advantage of you, idiot.”

“It’s not stupid, it’s true!”

“Anyway, now what happens is I buy us a hotel room.” Junior wiggled her eyebrows again. “ _Shut up._ I’m gonna do my damndest to take care of you, until I’m sent back. I’m not going to have you eating literal garbage while I’m around.”

“I’m fine sleeping on couches and I’m eating fine---”

“I literally just had this conversation with baby you a couple of weeks ago. You’re fucking impossible.” Maggie took a deep breath, in and out. OK. No more annoyance. Time to be kind.

She knelt down in front of Junior, who batted her eyelashes at her in a mockery of flirting. “What, no sex before marriage? You’re gonna propose now? Sorry, we’re in Nebraska, not California.”

Maggie ignored her. “Honey. You’re strong, but your family let you down. You deserve to feel full. You deserve a comfortable place to sleep. You deserve a sure place to shower. You deserve to have a stable life.” The smile slid off of Junior’s face, as Maggie repeated James’ words. “You have a right to feel safe.”

Tears came to Junior’s eyes. Maggie opened her arms and held Junior as she wept. “I’m here for you,” Maggie said as she started to tear up too.

“Yeah, but for how long?” Junior said, voice muffled against Maggie’s shirt.

“I don’t know,” Maggie said. Junior’s sobs got louder. “But I will do as much as I possibly can, and I can promise you, you will get through this. You are so strong. And there are people waiting for you on the other side.”

***

After a couple of days in a motel, Maggie found a good deal for a sublet for a studio for a month, paying for it with her DEO debit card. Bless Blue Springs’ housing market. So much better than National City’s. And the recent housing crash didn't hurt.

When Junior came home from her shift at the cafe that first day they moved in, she looked in the fridge. Her face broke into a relieved, unbelieving grin: the fridge was stuffed to the brim with her favorite foods. Junior turned to hug Maggie, who was standing in an apron by the stove. When she realized Maggie had made huevos rancheros and tiramisu, Junior ran into Maggie’s arms tearfully.

“You’re spoiling me,” Junior said, choking with tears.

“This is what you deserve,” Maggie whispered. “And this is what you can look forward to. This will be normal. I promise.”

After a couple of weeks, it became normal. It became comfortable. They slept in the same bed, cuddling platonically at night. They indulged in speaking only Spanglish at the house, no need to be anxious about offending parents with their imperfect Spanglish, offending strangers or friends with their Spanish.

Maggie bought a rusty, broken-down ‘78 Corvette for cheap, fixing it up so that it would eventually drive well and she could eventually ride Junior to work and resell it for a profit. After work, Junior would find Maggie underneath the car in grease-stained gym shorts. Junior would sit outside next to Maggie as she worked, feeling sun-heated pebbles press into her thighs, listening to Paulina Rubio play softly on the radio. Junior would half-listen to Maggie explain what she was doing, watching ants as they moved and moving her fingers to trap them. She learned which tools were which by giving the wrong ones to Maggie.

Maggie delighted in buying Junior her first leather jacket, her first flannel, her first pants that fit in awhile, her first high-quality boots, her first snapback. Junior found that shopping was not horrible with Maggie, who had no fear about going in the guy’s section and didn’t berate her for it, who told her that sizes were different everywhere and to pay no attention to them, who knew where the perfect clothing was. When she walked out of the mall in her new clothes, Junior felt that a weight had been lifted from her chest.

“A girl flirted with me today at the cafe!” Junior said excitedly, in Spanish, after her first shift in her new clothes. “I think it was this classy as-fuck gay-ass shirt.”

“Nice!” Maggie high-fived her. “Did you get her number?”

“No,” Junior answered, face-falling.

“No worries, plenty of time for that,” Maggie said, thumping Junior on her back. “Did you smile back at her with that charming grin?”

“Yeah!” Junior said, perking up.

“That’s my girl,” Maggie said, doing their special handshake.

Maggie bought them both YMCA month passes. She taught Junior how to deadlift, how to do squats, how to use the heavy bag. How to keep earbuds in ears even while exercising, how to prevent injuries, when to stop. Together they worked out for hours, ignoring the double-takes from everyone at the gym. Junior began to slap her abdomen joyfully, because “I got abs now!”

Maggie bought Junior a longboard and bought her drum lessons, things she’d always wanted but never learned. Junior tried to refuse it. “You’re spending a fortune on me, Mags! I know police aren’t paid like CEOs. I appreciate it, but I’m really fine.”

“It pays enough. Dude, take it from me, you’ll regret it if you don’t take me up on it.”

“Well… You’re the boss I guess. I really appreciate it.”

“You don’t need to worry so much about thanking me. I know you’re grateful and I’m doing this for myself, too, and I like to see your smile.”

Maggie watched Junior bloom. Every day, Junior made eye contact more, she smiled more, she stood up straighter, she breathed deeper. She spoke more clearly and more calmly. She looked less ready to bolt at every opportunity. She began to assume Maggie would help, thanked her less profusely, less anxiously. And Maggie was happy for it.

When Junior came back from the cafe with her right hand on her hair, sheepish, Maggie was ready for it. “Hey, so you know that really cute girl at the cafe who I went to the movies with last week? I got a second date with her and I thought I’d maybe cook for her that lasagna recipe you showed me…”

“And it might be weird to have the older version of you hanging out with you guys?” Junior nodded, relieved that Maggie understood, and put her arms down. “No worries, I’ll make myself scarce, I’ll go see a movie or something myself. Congrats my dude!” Maggie high-fived her.

“So that’s it? No mom-like sex talk?”

For once, Maggie didn’t know what Junior was going for. “Of course not, I’m happy for you. I want you to get laid.” Junior blushed. “I’m not your mom. I’m you.”

Junior’s face fell and she turned away. Not before Maggie saw a tear in her eye. _Oh._ “So you want a talk.” Junior shrugged in response. “Hey, it’s okay, I can be a mom. I can do that.”

Maggie got on her knees in front of Junior. “Why do you always kneel like that when you’re trying to be nice to me?” Junior mumbled. “We’re the same size. I’m not shorter than you.”

Maggie shrugged, laughing. “I learned everything I know about parenting from _Full House_. Is that why Danny does that? Because his kids are small? I didn’t connect those dots somehow.”

“Finally, something I know that you don’t,” Junior commented. “Wait, how is that possible? That seems impossible.”

Maggie shrugged. “Anyway. The Talk.”

***

Maggie quietly crept into their bed at one in the morning. She noticed that Junior turned her body toward her as she walked in. “Junior?” Maggie whispered, in case Junior really was asleep. “How was it?”

“Pretty good. She liked the food.”

“I taught you well,” Maggie ruffled Junior’s hair.

“We just made out and messed around a bit. Which was good.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Maggie unclasped her bra under her shirt and slipped off her pants down to her boxers. She saw Junior watching her. “What? Why are you being weird?”

Junior looked away. “I just--- do you like me?”

“Of course I like you. It’d be weird if I didn’t like you.”

Maggie got into bed and slipped her arm under Junior’s head.

“But do you like me because I’m you or do you actually like me? Like do you actually like hanging out with me?”

“Of course I do, dude. You like all the things I like to do. You can be a bit of a ball of angst, like now,” Maggie squeezed Junior’s head affectionately, “And like, generally you can be a lot but I like you way better than most people, and all sixteen year-olds.”

“Do you love me?” Junior whispered.

“Yeah. Obviously.” Maggie looked over at Junior, who had tears in her eyes. “What’s this about?”

“I feel like you must hate me,” Junior said hoarsely. “For taking you from Alex.”

“I don’t hate you. Honey, it’s not your fault.” Junior was really crying now. Maggie started to rock her body gently. “Shhh. You didn’t take me from Alex. It’s not your fault.”

“But I want you to stay,” Junior whispered.

“Of course you do. That’s only natural. I’m not mad at you for wanting what’s best for you. And yeah, I want to be with Alex. I miss her. But I love being with you too.”

Junior put her hands over her eyes. “I’m afraid. I don’t remember feeling this afraid ever. Even the first night after I was kicked out. But I don’t want things to go back to normal. I thought that was fine, but I was wrong, this is so much better.” Maggie kissed Junior’s cheek and lifted her hand to kiss it. What could she say? “When you leave me, all of this is going to go away. Like Cinderella’s stuff at midnight. This studio. The food. The YMCA. The music lessons.”  
“You’ll still have the clothes and the longboard and I’ll leave you some money, I promise---”

“It’s not really all about that. When you leave me, it’s like you _died_. I can’t talk to you. I might never see you again.”

Maggie let that sink in for a moment. “Is it hokey to say that I’ll be with you always? That I’m inside you all along? It’s true in this case.”

“Maybe it’s true but it doesn’t make me feel better.” Junior pushed Maggie away and Maggie’s chest hurt. “It’s so pathetic. I feel like you’re my mom. But you’re really just _me._ No one cares about me but me.” Junior sat up and put her arms around her slender body.

“That girl seems to care about you---”

“I want a mom. I want parents. I want people who are there for me.” Junior put her hands on Maggie’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. “I know you’re going to say that in the distant future I’m going to have great friends and a beautiful wife, and that’s great, if it happens in this parallel universe. But you’re like ten years older than me. And I’ve pieced some shit together. And from what I’ve figured out, Detective, it’s going to be bad for awhile. And I don’t know if I can handle that!” Junior’s voice went high and panicked.

“Breathe, shhh,” Maggie consoled helplessly, hands stroking Junior’s hair.

“You’re going to abandon me for this shit! Why am I so fucking unlovable? Why doesn’t anybody want me?” Junior’s fingernails pressed into Maggie’s back.

“I don’t know,” Maggie started to cry too. “I don’t know.” As they sat nose to nose, their tears mixed as one.

Maggie took a deep breath, kissed Junior’s forehead, and got out of bed. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“What?”

“I know you want to get out of here too,” Maggie said, pulling off her shirt to get on her bra. “Let’s leave all this shit behind. Our sublet lease is over in just a few days anyway. And maybe if we go far enough, that fucking alien or whatever freaky space-time shit controlling this won’t be able to find us.”  
Junior stood up on the bed. “You want to stay with me?”

“I promised to protect you. You’re my responsibility now. You’re my fucking daughter. Now pack your backpack up and get your leather jacket on. We’re going to pack the Corvette.”

Junior’s face turned to hysteric glee. “Are we going to leave Nebraska?”

“Of course we are! You can kiss Hooper town and the great plains goodbye.”

“I’d rather do _this_ ,” said Junior, jumping off the bed, running to the window, and sticking up her middle finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you all for the comments! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, for how long it's been... It's been a rough month. I promise I have another chapter all ready to post.
> 
> TW this chapter: for mention of suicidal thoughts

Maggie’s eyes hurt as the sky became a brighter and brighter blue. Junior had long ago fallen asleep, under her knees the cooler, over her eyes a scarf, her lips open in a sigh. But even as Maggie’s arms ached, her face broke into a smile when she saw the sign. Welcome to Wyoming. It may not be a center of culture, but it wasn’t Nebraska. 

She parked in the nearest Highway rest stop. Maggie kissed Junior on the cheek, then tilted her own chair back. Junior began to stir.

“Shh,” Maggie whispered. “We made it out of Nebraska. I’m going to sleep.”

Junior opened her dark eyes. Her voice was hoarse with sleepiness. “What are we going to do, Maggie?”

“We’re going on an adventure, Junior,” Maggie said, trying to sound excited enough for the both of them.

Junior wasn’t buying it, staring straight into Maggie’s eyes. “Yeah, but what’s the plan?”

Maggie squeezed Junior’s hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll figure it out. I’ve got you.” As she watched Junior settle back into sleep, Maggie didn’t notice as her DEO ID vibrated against her leg. Alex had sent a message to her, across time, across space.

**

“Hi there,” Maggie said with a smile as the lady opened her door. “I’m Maggie and this is my little sister Junior. We’re going around door to door asking folks if they need to have anything fixed or any odd jobs done. We have mechanical experience. Our parents just passed and we’re trying to raise the money for this one to go to college.” 

“Well, I have been meaning to call a mechanic for my leaky sink and I would love some help cleaning out the garage… but I don’t know... “ her eyes looked over the girls’ small frames.

“We’re stronger than we look,” Junior piped up, giving the lady a dimpled grin that she couldn’t help but return. 

“Here’s our brochure with testimonials from satisfied customers,” Maggie handed the lady the brochure full of complete fabrications, “as well as our asking wage, and right there is a Corvette that we restored together. It was completely broken down when we bought it.”

“That’s impressive,” the lady said, looking at the shiny black Corvette. She looked down at the brochure. “I’ve got to hand it to you, I’ve never opened my door for a solicitor before, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. Come on in.” 

**

“This is amazing!” Junior said, pressing twenty dollar bills to her face. “We earned so much today!  _ Plus _ all that lemonade. I want to be a mechanic.” It was sundown, and they had to find an ATM and somewhere to park the car and sleep.

“I’ll support you in whatever you want to do,” Maggie said, turning the gas on and putting the reference phone number from the lady into her wallet pocket. She paused at the plastic sleeve of her ID. It was flashing. Face unmoving, she read the message that replaced the usual “Magdalena Jones.”

_ We’ll have you back any day now. Working hard. I’ve got you. Love always, Alex. _

Maggie flashed cold and sweaty. She closed the wallet and closed her eyes, trying to remember the safety of _Alex,_ trying to find in her body that feeling of being loved and cared for. She opened her eyes and saw Junior. “But put that money away from your mouth, fool. You don’t know where that’s been.”

“What’s the matter?” Junior looked over at Maggie and noticed her clenched jaw.

“It’s nothing. I’m just… stressed about trying to provide for us, that’s all.”

“You are providing for us. I don’t mind sleeping in the car at all. We’re saving a ton of money. And I have my own bank account!” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Maggie gave Junior her attempt at a smile. She tried not to think about the fact that at any moment, she could disappear, leaving Junior completely alone in an unfamiliar place. Her hands shook on the wheel as she realized it could even happen while driving. “Hey hon, you have your driver’s permit, right?”

Junior’s face scrunched up. “Yeah, I got it with my parents, before…”

Maggie’s fingers tapped on the wheels. “What would you say to learning how to drive?” 

Junior’s grin said it all. 

 

“Maggie? Why are we stopping here? Shouldn’t we be working? It’s the middle of the day! We’ve only worked on one house,” Junior said as Maggie parked in the library parking lot.

“Yes, but we can afford to take a break. What am I raising, a square?” 

Junior stuck her tongue out at Maggie. “I guess I just like making so much money? It’s so much to pass up. And  _ I like  _ working with you. It doesn’t feel like work to me.”

“I’m glad, but I need to get some wifi.” Maggie rushed into the library, not looking back at Junior. “Maybe you want some too? It’s been at least two months since you used the internet.”

Junior didn’t respond, and Maggie turned around. She saw that Junior had stopped at the door, several paces behind her. Junior was clenching and unclenching her fists, bouncing on her heels, blinking quickly. Maggie sighed and walked back to Junior. She unballed Junior’s fist and squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, I’m not getting tired of you, I’m just stressed,” Maggie murmured. 

“I can just-- take a walk.” Junior’s turned her head toward the door.

“No I love spending time with you too, I promise,” Maggie kissed Junior’s face. “I don’t want to just fuck around on the computer. I, uh, checked your health insurance card. It’s August 1 and your card says it expires in late August. I need to find us some insurance.”

Junior swallowed.  Maggie watched Junior try not to care that her parents no longer cared if she got sick. “That’s a lot of money, huh?”

Maggie nodded. “But we can afford it. This DEO card is better than gold. Don’t you worry about nothing.”

“So I should throw away this stuff?” Junior grabbed a few prescription antibiotic bottles from her backpack. 

Maggie remembered swiping those from her aunt’s house. “Uh, no.”

“What, you emotionally attached to penicillin or something?”

“You could say that.” Maggie thought back to when she had pneumonia but no health insurance. How she had lied on the couch shivering, crying, and sweating for a week, forcing herself to move to drink water and eat protein bars. How she desperately took that penicillin everyday, hoping that it would work even though it was expired. How she had lost her job for taking the days off. 

Junior shrugged. “Glad it came in handy. Stealing things when you have the chance is usually the right call.” Junior skipped into the library.

“Yeah-- wait, no!” Maggie called after her.

 

Maggie insisted on using some of the money on backpacking gear and backpacking in Yellowstone. “We’re in Wyoming! There’s no other point to being Wyoming!” 

Junior was in wonder at how much stronger she was than before. She was hiking steeper than she’d ever hiked before, but due to Maggie’s strength-training, she could do it. She watched her legs work as she climbed. Maggie laughed at her, continuously having to point out things that Junior was missing. Junior’s mouth fell open as Maggie pointed out to Junior her first elk, long-horned sheep, and (in the distance) grizzly bear. 

Finally, as the day got dim, they set up camp. Maggie showed Junior how to make a fire and boil the water for the package of dried vegetarian chili. They grew quiet as they toasted marshmallows until they were almost identically brown. They leaned back on their arms, looked up, and stared at the impossibly bright stars.

Junior broke the silence. “Thank you for being here.” She looped her arm around Maggie’s.

“Thank you for being here, too,” Maggie said, smiling and looking at Junior’s orange-lit face. 

Junior stared at the dancing flames, a tear tracing down her face. “You know, I was thinking of killing myself, before you said you’d stay with me.” 

Maggie murmured. “I know.” She shook her head. “But you’re no longer thinking about that?” 

The smoke blew into Junior’s face, and she lay down, her feet to the fire. “No, because the universe can’t be against me, because it brought you here.” Her voice quieted so Maggie strained to hear. “You’re like a miracle.” 

Maggie lay down next to Junior. “Babe, the universe might take me away again. The universe doesn’t care about us one way or another. I didn't have a me.” She turned her face and locked eyes with Junior. “You need to keep going with or without me. And you will.”

Junior whispered, “How did you do it?”

Maggie shrugged. “For a long time, I thought I would kill myself, if things didn’t get better. I made deadlines. Then one day, as I was going to sleep, I realized something… I realized that after I die, probably that’ll be the end of my consciousness. Think about it. Really think about it. The end to everything.” 

Junior stared at the black sky and shuddered. 

“And I realized I didn’t want that. I want to  _ experience  _ the end of pain. And after you’re dead, you can’t experience that. But while you’re alive, you can experience painlessness continuously. You can always escape, like we’re doing right now. You can always leave. And you can read books, or watch tv, and honestly, babe, I’d rather have you drink or do drugs than kill yourself, if that’s what you need to do.”

“Geez, can’t believe my mom is giving me the ‘say yes to drugs,’ talk. Mrs. Reagan would not be happy with you,” Junior batted Maggie on the arm playfully.

“Mrs. Reagan wouldn’t be happy with me for a lot of reasons.” Maggie took a breath. “I’m not saying to do drugs. You should be really careful with them or they will make it so you have something that is much more difficult to escape from. But all I’m saying is, you have choices, while you’re alive. You can always find a way to escape the pain. And there is no better world. There’s only this one. So don’t be bitter about how shitty the world is. Figure out what gives you pleasure in life and do it. It’s all there is.”

“Wow that is the most nihilistic pep talk I’ve ever been given,” said Junior after a beat. “Life really makes me cynical, doesn’t it? Sixteen year-old you still believes in God, dude.”

“And I hope you stay that way,” Maggie said, kissing Junior on the top of her head. “I hope life is kinder to you. But know this: the universe doesn’t owe you anything. In this world, you have a right to nothing. Prepare for that and be grateful for anything you get.”

Junior pulled Maggie into a tight hug. “Please stay,” she whispered. “I need you.”

“I’m doing my best, hon.” Maggie thought about Alex’s message and shook her head.

“No, we’re not.” Junior let go of Maggie, sat up, and looked into her eyes seriously. “Mom, we need to go to the DEO.” 

“No, we can’t,” Maggie said, dragging herself into a sitting position. “The DEO at this time is operated by alien-haters, not J’onn. They’re going to be suspicious of us.” 

“I know,” said Junior. “But we need to try. They’re the only ones who might have the technology to figure out why we keep jumping through time, and keep us here. I think it’s worth a shot.”

Maggie tilted her head back and forth, weighing the decision. “The problem is, we need a good back up plan. We need to know we can get out of there if they go against us. And I don’t even have my gun.”

“So, um, don’t hate me, but last time I was at the DEO, like a year ago when I got checked out with Winn, that time I yelled at you, remember? I uh… borrowed a few things.” 

“Junior!” Maggie smacked the back of Junior’s head. “You stole from Alex’s job? Winn and Alex would have been so disappointed in you. And you could have gotten all of us in a lot of trouble. J’onn was doing a nice thing by letting you be there.”

“Eesh!” Junior said, ducking. “I was just studying them, ok? But then I was transported back to my time---”

“You mean you ran away back to your time---””

“I was planning on giving them back, honest.”

“Buddy, you can’t ‘study’ dangerous weapons. You could have been seriously injured! And what if someone had mugged you and stolen them?”  
“I know, I know… But don’t you at least want to see what I got?”

Maggie sighed. “Ok. We’re not done talking about this.”

Junior took a false back out of her backpack and shook it out. A few weapons fell out and glistened by the light of the fire. 

Maggie gasped. She picked up each one lovingly and inspected them for any damage. She found none. 

“Nice pull,” Maggie murmured. She shook her head as she realized what she’d said. “You didn’t hear that.” 

Junior laughed. “So we can go?”

Maggie nodded, slowly. An hour later, after she pulled herself up, pulled Junior to her feet, and put the fire out, she took her ID out. _We’ll have you back any day now. Working hard. I’ve got you. Love always, Alex._ Maggie, finger trembling, swiped it. It disappeared. She watched as the words were replaced with _Magdalena Jones._ She stared at the photo of herself until she didn’t recognize it as her own face. Then, as Magdalena Jones, she joined Junior in the tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate your comments guys and your patience with me


	10. Chapter 10

Hank Henshaw’s face was making an expression Maggie had never seen in J’onn. In the year she’d known him, Maggie had seen his anger, disgust, joy, sadness, amusement, even his hate. But this cold sneering condescension was so alien to J’onn’s face that there could be no confusing the two people.

Junior did not take condescension well. Her fists balled white. “Why don’t you believe us? How would we even know where to find this place if we were not who we said we were? You can easily DNA-test us to find out we’re the same. Please, if you don’t help us, we---”

Henshaw interrupted her. “Why would I waste any of my staff and time to test you? You have shown me no proof of your story.”

Maggie looked around for allies. She recognized no one at the DEO but a few of the desk workers. And while in her time, the desk workers were cheerful and friendly, Sandy offering butterscotch and mint candies, Phil with his festive ties, Maggie was shocked to see them now, tense and unsmiling in dark business attire. 

Maggie looked down with a start as Junior dug around in Maggie’s pocket. She pulled out Maggie’s wallet. “Junior, wait---”

“Look,” Junior showed J’onn-- not J’onn-- Maggie’s license in the clear pocket of the wallet. “See how you can change the date by pushing on it like this? The DEO gave this to Maggie because she jumps through time.”

Henshaw’s eyes narrowed. “Magdalena Jones? Where do I recognize that name from?” He tapped his fingers on his belt, and then his eyes widened. “You’re the ones who have been embezzling all that money from the DEO! Give me that!”

Junior twisted her body to keep the wallet safe from Henshaw’s prodding hands. “No we haven’t! Why would we go here if we were stealing from you?”

Maggie put her body in between Hank’s and Junior’s, and walked backward, pushing Junior slowly with her. Calmly, with a resonant voice, she warned  “Keep your hands off her. Do not assault this 16 year-old girl.” Phil and Sandra looked up, as did a few other DEO agents. “You have no right to touch her or examine any of her possessions. We came here willingly and you have no warrant.”

Instead being cowed, Henshaw grinned. “Apparently you don’t work for me after all.” He walked toward them, growing more confident with each step as Maggie continued backing up. “This is the DEO, my dear. We can do whatever we want.” Henshaw grabbed Maggie’s hip, groping it longer than necessary to push her out of the way.

When he looked up at Maggie’s face, he was shocked to see her smiling. “The truth is in the oranges,” she said.

His face scrunched up in confusion, but not for long. First came the sound of Junior’s throw, then came the iron smell. Suddenly the white light filled the room. There was a great piercing noise. And Maggie and Junior ran.

“Flash grenades are amazing!” Junior laughed. 

As the light dissipated, Maggie saw that they had outrun everyone. The door to the outside was in front of them, guarded by two burly men with radios blaring on their belts and guns ready. “Stop. We don’t want to hurt you, but we will shoot if necessary,” they ordered. 

While Junior tensed up seeing them, Maggie blew out a sigh of relief. She knew these guys.“Dash, Lazlo, please don’t make us use this.” 

They startled at the use of their nicknames and looked at the strange, many-buttoned weapon Maggie was holding at her waist. “What is that?” Lazlo asked with unabashed wonder.

“Something from the future, where I am from. When you and I are friends and we work together here.” When Lazlo and Dash relaxed their arms a little, Maggie grinned. “Don’t worry, you’ll get to use this too.” 

Dash hesitated, then nodded toward the door. 

“Thanks Dash!” Maggie and Junior began to run down the hallway toward the door. “Oh, and don’t give up hope--- your wife will get pregnant soon, you have a daughter.”

As they started the car, Junior saw DEO agents rush out of the building. As they began to drive, she saw Dash point in the wrong direction. Junior smiled to herself. She turned to Maggie and grumbled, “You were right, that didn’t work. Just don’t say I told you so.”

Maggie sighed, “I won’t. Like you said, it was worth a shot. And the escape part of your plan worked well-- you would make a good police operative. I mean, obviously you would.” 

Junior turned away and looked out the window. Maggie looked out the rear-view mirror, satisfied her anxiety-- all of the DEO agents had gone the other way--- re-focused herself on the road. 

A few minutes of silence later, smiles were breaking out on both of their faces, and they turned to each other. In unison, they exclaimed, “That flash grenade, though!” 

***

Maggie and Junior picked up the door-to-door mechanic business. Maggie knew that the DEO debit card was now cut off, which set her back on her quest to get the two of them health insurance.

They were in an affluent white neighborhood, and though they liked the cash, they were both a bit on edge. They didn’t speak much to each other as they walked to the next block for their next job. They were beginning to get hungry, and their hair stuck to their forehead with sweat. When they saw the black, mustached policeman, they wordlessly turned the corner. 

Maggie stopped to put her hair up. As she turned her head, she saw a car stop, its driver talking to the policeman. She narrowed her eyes. She had seen that driver before. Where? He was well-muscled, his gaze intense. She examined his car. Curved, strangely tinted windows-- bulletproof. Shit. 

Maggie squeezed Junior’s shoulder twice, and before Junior could ask, Maggie sped to a fast walk. Junior kept up without question and turned her head, in time to see the policeman point in their direction. Maggie turned the block again, Junior shadowing her. They zigzagged to the end of the neighborhood and stopped at the stop sign. On the other side of the major road was a forested edge of farmland, fenced with hip-level barbed wire. They ran across the road, jumped the fence, and lay face-down in a bush. 

“Why didn’t we just go in the car and drive away?” whispered Junior, voice muffled by dirt.

“As far as I know, they don’t yet know what our car looks like, and I want to keep it that way.”

Junior and Maggie breathed in the smell of manure. They didn’t bother to swat the flies at their backs.

“So how’d they find us?”

Maggie shook her head. “Maybe they’re just looking everywhere in the state. Or maybe there’s something in the clothes we wore.”

“Gotta throw them out, just in case.”

They lay there as the air got cooler and cooler. They ignored the noises their stomachs made. At some point Junior drifted to sleep. She was awakened by the patering of water on her back. She opened her eyes, and the white sky had turned to grey. Maggie nodded at her, and Junior could hardly see it through the rain. Together they made their way back to the car.

Maggie got them out of town, then stopped at the nearest gas station to throw out their clothes. As she opened the door, the car light came on, and she saw a long, jagged scratch down Junior’s calf. Junior had been wiping it with napkins that were covered in blood. 

“Shit, dude.” Maggie didn’t ask why Junior hadn’t told her. She knew. “Get out of the car now and wash that off with soap and water. Thoroughly. You’ve been lying in dirt and cow shit.”

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Junior grumbled, opening the door.

As Junior exited the gas station store, Maggie as first was relieved to see that the bleeding had mostly stopped. It wasn’t as deep as she had feared. Still, as Junior came back in the car, Maggie took a flashlight and examined Junior’s leg. 

For a painful moment, Maggie was reminded of Alex examining Maggie’s body everyday after work. Of Alex kissing each bruise and washing each cut. How Alex had gotten mad at her for trying to be tough, for not taking care of her injuries. 

Maggie gasped. From Junior’s ankle up her thigh was a bluish-black line following her vein line. “Fuck, I think this is blood poisoning. I need to get you to the ER, stat.”

Junior sat up. “No. Mom, we don’t have health insurance. That could bankrupt us. Also, they could contact the police or the DEO and they could arrest us from there.”

Maggie couldn’t argue with that. Her department had arrested undocumented immigrants from a hospital more than once. “I know, but your life is more important. If I’m right, this could kill you in less than 24 hours.”

“Why don’t I just take an antibiotic?” said Junior, opening up the glove compartment where their assortment of drugs was. 

“Good idea, absolutely take one, but we definitely can’t rely on that.” Maggie put her head in her hands and squeezed her head. “I wish I had Alex. She’d be able to help.” She hit her head against the car seat a couple times. “Fuck. I don’t know what to do.” Tears came into her eyes. “I can’t take care of anyone.”

Junior started talking fast. “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t being careful…”

“I shouldn’t have led you to that fence. I shouldn’t have led us into the DEO. I shouldn’t have agreed to take care of you. Junior, you need to go to the ER without me, they’ll look you up and you won’t get in trouble with the DEO, they’ll just mark you a runaway and call your aunt to send you back to Nebraska. Your parents will be billed.”

“I don’t want to go back to---”

“Maggie, don’t be an idiot, aren’t you listening to me? You could die. Soon.”

“Look, that would be a good idea, Maggie, but the second we separate like that, you could go back to your time. We’ve got to stay close. So I can’t go to the hospital.”

“No. No. Fuck. If you’re thinking like that, I should leave right now. I’m not going to be the reason you die, Junior.” Maggie put her hand on the door.

Junior grabbed Maggie’s arm. “No. Don’t leave me.” Maggie froze, undecided. Junior took a moment to examine Maggie’s face, red and blotchy and scared. “Why do you say you can’t take care of anyone? We took care of Mateo.”

Maggie took a ragged breath. “No, Mateo’s in prison. For crack possession.” She had never said these words aloud. She started to sob.

“No, mom, that’s not your fault. How could that be your fault? We stopped taking care of him a few years ago, and besides, that’s the fucked up justice system’s…” Maggie didn’t stop crying. Junior put her arms around her. “Shh, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. You’re good for me, I promise. Believe me. You’re good. You’re good.”

“You-shouldn’t-have-to-take-care-of-me,” Maggie gasped out.

“Don’t you dare say that shit. You take good care of me and you deserve it.” Junior kissed Maggie on the forehead. 

“God I’m just like our parents. Not taking care of you. I’m just shit.” Sawyer began to knock her head against the steering wheel.

Junior blocked the hitting with her hand, firmly. “Stop it. Don’t worry. Let’s switch seats and you can lie down in the passenger seat.”

“You’re-the-injured-one.”

“Shhh.” Junior lifted and maneuvered Maggie’s passive body into the passenger seat and put down her seat. Junior got into the driver’s seat and buckled in her seatbelt. “Now which way is Midvale from here?”

“Northwest,” Maggie said. Junior started the car. “Wait, why?”

Junior grinned at her. “Alex may not be able to treat me yet. But I know who can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments <3


	11. Chapter 11

Eliza was gardening outside as Junior parked the Corvette at 6 am. Junior got off first, shaking a little bit. Maggie couldn’t help but look at the gash and the black-blue line down Junior’s leg. It broke Maggie’s heart.

Eliza glanced at them, then her gaze fell onto Junior’s leg. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”

Maggie took a deep breath. All her instincts told her to wave the help away. “Actually, we do.” She looked away, not ready to see the incredulity on Eliza’s face when she explained. “We’re friends of Kara’s from the future, from when she’s Supergirl. Actually, I’m friends with Kara. This is past me.”

She put her hand on Junior’s shoulder and looked back at Eliza. She was relieved to see Eliza nod slowly as if to say _that story checks out._ She continued, _“_ We’re running from the DEO, and we don’t have health insurance, and I’m really sorry to put this on you, I really hate that I’m putting this on you, but you’re the only one who’s an adult in this world that I can trust, Eliza, please. Junior’s hurt and I’m just trying to keep her safe.”

Suddenly Eliza’s arms were around her. “Any friend of Kara’s is a friend of mine. What did you say your name is?”

Maggie could feel her eyes tear up. “Maggie Sawyer. And we call her Junior.” Eliza let go and crouched at Junior’s leg.

Junior ran her hand through her hair. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you. Sorry to be meeting like this.”  Maggie understood--- the pressure of meeting the future mother-in-law. She began to sweat too.

Eliza stood up. “That’s tetanus. We need to drive you to the CVS and get you a booster shot, Junior. Should be just fifty dollars without insurance.”

Maggie blushed. “That’s it? Just a shot?”

Eliza opened the door of her Prius and motioned them in. “Yes, but you did the right thing coming for help when you did. Tetanus can travel to her heart within a day. Time is of the essence.”

 ___

After they came back from the CVS--- Eliza had insisted on paying for the vaccine, making both of them blush and look at their shoes--- Eliza ushered them into the house. “Please come inside. Kara and Alex are out. Alex is interning at Fort Grechrin, and Kara is volunteering at the animal shelter, but they’ll be back in an hour or so,” Eliza’s voice was full of pride for her daughters as she led them into the house. “Sit, sit.” Junior’s eyes widened seeing how big the living room was. It wasn’t a mansion, but it had a high ceiling, paintings, leather couches. Through Junior’s eyes, it was opulent. Eliza set two glasses of lemonade in front of them.

Eliza sat down across from Maggie, focus completely on her, notebook in her lap. “I hope you don’t mind, but since this is a serious situation, I want to remember important details, and I’m not young anymore.”

“I appreciate that.” Maggie looked closer at Eliza, realizing that that wasn’t really true, Eliza was young. She noticed Eliza’s hair was a slightly different color, probably not dyed. Maggie realized with a start that she was probably closer in age to this Eliza than Junior. Eliza’s eyes looked sadder than they did when Maggie and Eliza met, when Eliza had discovered Jeremiah was still alive.

“Is there anyone I should call? Are Junior’s parents aware of where she is?”

Maggie shook her head. “No one to call.”

Maggie watched Eliza’s face. It flashed a motherly concern and something like trying to figure out a puzzle. “I’m sorry.” Eliza reached out to touch Maggie’s arm.

“Thank you. I arrived here a month ago, on accident, through an alien poison,” Maggie rambled, as Eliza took notes. “And I found Junior and I’ve just been trying my best to take care of her. I love my life back home, but right now my plan is to stay here, take care of this one,” she said, as Junior came back cleaner, ruffling Junior’s hair, “and somehow evade the DEO…” Maggie and Junior blanched at the same time. “I just realized how crazy that sounds. And how much danger I’m putting you and your family in.”

Eliza shook her head. “Please don’t worry about that. Will me knowing things cause any sort of rift in the space-time continuum?”

“No. This is a parallel universe.”

“Then may I ask if you have any backup?”

Maggie hesitated. “Back home. Yes. Of the people you know--- Kara; Lois Lane’s sister, Lucy; maybe Superman, but I don’t know; and, uh,” her voice got softer, “Alex.”

Eliza nodded. “Well I know my daughters. And neither of them are the kind to let a friend down. You two can sleep here for now, in the guest bedroom. Don’t go outside. I’m sure that wherever she is, whatever time of night it is, Alex is working on how to help you guys. That’s her way. Have faith.”

\--

Alex was working on it, her glasses on her nose, her skin pale, her vision blurred, at the DEO headquarters. Lena and Winn were next to her, looking almost as bad. As Kara flew into the window, she was hit with the fact that she had never seen J’onn with such bags under his eyes.

“Evening, Kara. How are we doing on our Flood avenue?” said J’onn, rubbing his temples, breaking two hours of silence. The others looked up at Kara hopefully.

“No leads in the bar. No one’s seen any of the Flood lately,” Kara said, shoulders drooping. “Winn? How is it on the hacking side of things?”

Winn enveloped his face with his clammy hands. “I hacked their communications. Enough to realize that they don’t plan through messaging. At least not on Earth. I mean we knew this, we knew they were discreet.”

Lena turned to him. “How about---”

“No. It was an interesting idea, but I have no idea how to even begin hacking the other dimensions. I mean I love the Matrix reference… I looked into it. I read some Flood texts and the way they speak about dimensions is not programming language. There’s no way that I know how to hack Agent Sawyer back to our universe.”

“So it’s up to me then,” Alex said bitterly, eyes not lifting from Maggie’s medical exam notes. “I’ve got to find a cure to the poison.”

“Hey, I’m here,” Lena said, rubbing Alex’s arm. “I’m on it.”

“Against my greater judgment,” J’onn grumbled.

“Get off her ass, J’onn,” Alex snapped. “Lena’s been helping much more than you’ve been.” It was such a difference from her usual respectful tone with J’onn that everyone was shocked into silence.

After a moment, Lena murmured, “I understand where J’onn is coming from. This is a serious safety breach. And that’s why it’s okay that you blindfolded me before taking me here.”

Kara hastened to add, “It’s not that we don’t trust you Lena, it’s just that you’re already a---” She searched for a non-upsetting way to put it. She thought of none. “---target. We don’t want to make you more of one.”

Lena gave a thin-lipped nod.

“How are your test subjects doing?” Alex asked in a clipped tone.

“See for yourself.” Lena handed her computer to Alex. Two windows were open: on the left, a webcam of the animal subjects, and on the right, a log of their effects.

“Lena, can I borrow you for a moment?” Kara murmured, touching Lena on the arm. It spoke to how bleary-eyed and grim the group was that no one looked up. There was not a single smirk.

In the hallway, Kara asked urgently, “How has Alex been doing?”

“Well… You know.”

Kara nodded. Her eyes dropped to her feet. “And how are--- I’m sorry that---”

Lena touched Kara on the elbow. “Hey. I don’t expect…”

Kara lifted her face and looked at Lena in the eyes. “It’s a hard time.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

“We’re all busy.”

“It can wait.”

Kara grasped Lena’s hands. “Well, I am sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

As the two headed back into the meeting room, Winn turned to J'onn and whispered, "Don't take it personally. She hasn't slept in 3 weeks."

"No, she's right."

“This isn’t your fault, sir. We all have our regrets with this mission.”

“I’ve had a lifetime of regrets, Schott. But this… This is near the top. I butchered this mission, from start to finish.” A tear ran down J’onn’s face.

“Hey, hey. I get where you’re coming from. But you’re not--- you’re not the only one who made mistakes.”

J’onn looked sharply at Winn. “What are you saying, Schott?”

Winn gulped. “Nothing. I just-- mistakes were made. By me. That made Agent Sawyer run away... Don’t tell Alex!”

J’onn was quiet for a moment. “What would you say to helping me out on a two-man operation, Schott?”

“What?”

“I’m not going to let all this be on Alex. I need someone to operate the portal for me. I’m going in. To their universe. To Surulia. I’m going to infiltrate the Flood.”

\--

When Maggie came into the guest bedroom to get ready for bed, Junior was facing the wall and shivering. “Oh, buddy,” Maggie said, hopping onto the bed to hug Junior from behind. Maggie rocked Junior slowly, resting her face on Junior’s shoulder.

She inhaled deeply into Junior’s sweatshirt. It smelled like Junior. It’s a funny thing, learning to love another person’s smell. Maggie felt that wave of calm as she held that little person she had lived with for the past couple months. It was even more strange knowing that that smell was her smell, or at least it used to be.

Maggie stroked Junior’s hair, pulling it to the side. “I think we should cut your hair,” she murmured. “I’ve always wanted to cut my hair. I could take a razor to it, do something cool.”

“Mom,” Junior whispered, her voice cracking, “I don’t know how Eliza’s going to take the fact that we’re gay. And… we’re going to be with her daughter.”

“I know.” Maggie had that same lump in her throat.

“Maggie, if you tell her, she might worry that you’re going to do something to Alex junior. And she might not want me to do anything either.”

Maggie looked away. “I don’t think she would.”

“Maggie. Tell me the truth. How much do you trust Eliza?”

Maggie shrugged her shoulders.

Junior started breathing quickly. “Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.”

Maggie hugged her closer. “Shhh, breathe with me, you’re okay.” Junior’s back quivered. Then it stilled. Junior became silent.

Maggie knew how she felt. Knew how the silence could be a more dangerous time. When the feelings turn off, leaving a light-headedness and the shadow of hopelessness. Things look askew, the lighting looks strange. And she didn’t have any CBD pills to give Junior this time. Maggie rubbed Junior’s back, “You’ll be okay. If we need to leave, we’ll leave. At the first red flag, at the first yellow flag, we’ll leave. I won’t give her time to attack you. I promise. I’m here now. It’ll be different.”

Junior turned to face Maggie. “When did you start to feel safe?”

Maggie tilted her head. “What?”

“When do I get to feel safe?”

Maggie wrung her hands. “I, uh, I don’t know. I guess the first time, like when I started to feel safe, I think that was, um, honestly, the time I had sex with my first real girlfriend. I was around your age.”

“Ok. Did you feel like, actually safe? When you weren’t having sex with her?” Junior watched as Maggie shrugged. “Really? Do you even actually feel safe with Alex?” Maggie looked away. “Fuck! Maggie!”

“It’s not Alex. It’s me. Junior, it’s us.”

“Fuck.”

“I like hugging her too. I don’t know---” Maggie looked into Junior’s dark searching eyes and then it was like a dam inside her burst. “Look, fuck, can I be honest? I think I should be honest with you. I mean I came here, I wanted to be like your fairy godmother and shit, and save you, and I want you to think of me like I’m stable, like I’m here for you, like I’m your mom, but fuck, I can’t be that. The truth is, Junior, I’m fucked up. I can’t be a mom. I think when I came here, to the past, I was really running away. From Alex. From my friends. From my feelings. Junior, I’m afraid that I’m not here to help you. I’m afraid that I’m here because I don’t want to live my life.” Junior looked into Maggie’s eyes and nodded. “How disappointed are you in me, Junior?”

Junior took Maggie’s hand. “I will never be disappointed in you. I have more faith in you than in anyone else.”

Maggie shook her head. “That's--- stupid, Junior.”

“Nah it isn’t, idiot.” Junior kissed Maggie’s head.

“It’s fucking sad then.”

Junior shrugged and rocked Maggie in her arms. “Anyway, I knew something was up with you and Alex. You haven't hardly mentioned her. I was worried you were broken up. It’s a relief to know that you're just being a dumbass.”

Maggie nodded. “You should generally assume that. I’m pretty reliable that way.”

“Blind leading the blind.” Junior grinned and slapped Maggie on the back. “Cheer up, dimwit. Let's sneak out of here and gay it the fuck up. There’s gotta be some kinda queer underworld out here.”

“In Midvale?” Maggie gestured to the cul-de-sac outside.

“If there’s not, we’ll make one,” Junior said, grabbing the keys and patting her pocket. “We got more than enough money for spray paint.”

“Junior, I’m a fucking cop,” Maggie said, but she was already pulling her black hoodie out of her backpack. She adjusted her hair into a tight bun, nothing falling out.

 

Hours later, the two of them sat under a bridge, staring at the water of a dock, high out of their minds. “Be gay do crimes” was embezzled in blue on the concrete behind them, along with a crude drawing of a naked woman holding a gun. Junior hid the empty spray paint can in her lap.

“Guess we found the seedy underworld,” said Junior, throwing a pebble in the water.

“Nah, I think we created the seedy underworld,” Maggie said, mesmerized by the ripple it made. “But it was a good idea to go to the only bar open in Midvale at 11 on a Tuesday.”

“Wasn’t super gay though.” The street lamps above glittered the water. The edge of the lake licked Junior’s shoes, where the cigarette butts mingled with orange foam. “We made it gay.”

“At least the straight lady in the leather pants had some good hash,” said Maggie, swirling her fingertips in the lake. “I guess I rescinded my mom card.”

“Eh, it was a silly fantasy anyway. Still, you're the best mom I’ve ever had. I don't think my real mom knows how to roll a joint.” Junior patted Maggie’s leg. Maggie laughed, then coughed. “Since now you're not pretending to be my mom, tell me about Alex.”

 

\---

 

Maggie and Junior were giggling as they tried to creep back into the house through the guest door. Eliza, sitting on the guest chair, face stern, met them like a slap to the face. “Maggie, let's have a talk, shall we?”

Maggie and Junior trembled in sync. Eliza noticed and softened. “I was worried, I’m so glad you’re okay.” Gently, carefully, she hugged the cowering Junior. “Junior, you get some rest. I put a clean toothbrush, toothpaste, and towel on the bedside table if you need it. Maggie, come with me. Let's chat on the porch.”

Maggie took a seat stiffly in the rocking chair, the wood pressing into her leg. Eliza stared at the bright yellow full moon. “This morning, I took in two strange girls, at considerable danger to myself. I told them only to stay indoors. And they snuck out betraying my trust and the safety of my children and me, and smelling like weed. I’m feeling pretty stupid right now.”

Tears dripped down Maggie’s face, but her voice was calm, her mind was calm. “So kick us out then. I understand. I appreciate you helping Junior this morning and what you’ve done.”

Eliza turned to her. “But see, I want to understand. Right now, I’m confused. Is the DEO really following you? Are you really my daughters’ friend?”

Maggie nodded. Wordlessly, she pulled out her ID. She showed Eliza how to toggle between different IDs and years. “This is what my DEO gave me.” She glanced at Eliza’s face. Still looked skeptical.

Nervous, Maggie pulled her phone out of her pocket. She turned it back on. No reception of course. “It looks like it’s from the future,” Eliza murmured. “But I’m not an expert. I’m a fogey. Alex’s phone looks plenty futuristic to me.”

Maggie opened up her photos. She chose one from Alex’s birthday party, with her, Kara, Lucy, Lena, Winn and James. Alex blowing out the candles, pretty soon after the engagement.

Eliza looked, her eyes softening. “Alex looks so happy.” A tear came down her face. “I haven't seen her like this since--- Can I see another?”

Maggie nodded, swiped to the next one. James had taken this one. Alex and Maggie, their arms around each other, posing with his gift, an photo album he had made for them.

Eliza smiled, then traced her eyes to the ring on Alex’s finger, then to the album, then to Alex’s face again. She turned to face Maggie, glanced at her engagement ring. “Maggie…”

Maggie stood up. She didn't want to wait for the reaction. The hairs on the back of her neck stuck up. Her muscles tensed. It was time to leave.

Eliza’s hug took the breath out from her lungs. “Thank you for making her happy,” Eliza whispered into her ear. “I can see you're good for her.”

Maggie couldn't help it. She started to sob. She sobbed because she didn't have to run. She sobbed because she was used to running. She sobbed for Junior. She sobbed for Alex. She sobbed for herself.  She sobbed knowing she was making a terrible impression on Eliza. She sobbed because she still didn't feel safe. She made Eliza’s blouse wet.

“Dear, I’m going to grab you some water, and some tissues. Don't go anywhere.” Eliza said, sensing Maggie’s clenching muscles. So Maggie sat down on the porch step. She took deep breaths. A cool night breeze kissed her body. It made the leaves of the trees sizzle around her.

Eliza came next to her, pressing her body to her, arm around her, handing her the water and tissue box. Eliza had always struck Maggie as cerebral and almost cold. Like Alex with her agents. But now Maggie knew where Kara had gotten her trademark hug. At the reminder, Maggie couldn't help but lean her head against Eliza’s shoulder, exhausted.

“There you go, shhh,” Eliza murmured. Maggie closed her eyes. “You’ve been through a lot.”

It had been so long since she had spoken with anyone but Junior. Maggie suddenly missed her friends with a deep ache. Maggie put her head up. She looked at Eliza under the blue moonlight. Looked into Eliza’s sad, kind eyes that looked so much like Alex’s. “Eliza, I have to tell you something.”

Eliza sat up straighter. “What’s up, Maggie?”

“I don't want to get your hopes up, but in my world, my parallel world, everyone thought Jeremiah was dead, but Eliza, we found him, and he's okay and he's safe.”

Eliza took a breath that became a cough, and then her lip wobbled, and now Eliza was crying too and they were holding each other under the moonlight and Eliza smelled a little like Alex too, and Maggie felt so deeply homesick.

The night was quiet. They heard no cars, no birds, no crickets. Just the woosh of the breeze and their own cries. Finally, they were hiccuping together, and Eliza said, “So Maggie, you know my demons. What are yours? What were you escaping from tonight?”

Maggie took a deep breath in. “I was thrown out of my house when I was fifteen. I was so sure -- Junior was so sure -- that we would be thrown out here for being gay, like you'd think we were predators.”

“Oh,” Eliza squeezed her tighter, and she may not have Kryptonian strength, but it felt so Kara. “Maggie. I know you’re not a predator. Your sexuality doesn't make you a predator.”

Now the words tumbled out. “Junior was brought into my life as an alien poison. The alien is trying to kill me by reminding me of my past. Not letting me escape.”

Eliza nodded. “If I get Jeremiah back,” her voice cracked, “This will be a time in my life I won't want to relive either. But we can survive it. I guess you know that more than I do.”

Maggie nodded. She held Eliza tight. For tonight, sitting and breathing together, watching Eliza’s tomato plants wave in the wind, the past didn't feel so scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your comments <3 They mean a lot. This is a very personally meaningful story for me, and it's so nice to see that other people are into it too


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